Being Seen


We all want to be seen for who we are. At its very core, this is not about winning a personality contest. It is not about laying out your credentials for others to admire. It is not about garnering fame. Nor is it about amassing a fortune or ego gratification. Instead, it is about being recognized. And in that recognition, finding your true place in the world.

What we are talking about here often involves being known beyond what we can see about ourselves all on our own. Therefore, we cannot always go this one alone. We need help. And this is exactly the place where it gets so very tricky. For many of the distortions we hold about ourselves have taken place in the taking in and believing of false and warped reflections we have gotten from others over the course of our lifetime.

This is what can leave us unwilling or reluctant to count on others in this way. We can take this in many directions. Maybe we wall ourselves off trying to do it all on our own. Maybe we over-rely on others opinions of who we are. Maybe we go to the wrong sources over and over again; either in our minds, or in the relationships we continue to create. Any way we do it though, either by closing off or going after the wrong things, will always leave us off the mark somehow. That mark being, the Truth of our existence.

Inside each and every one of us is the Absolute knowing of who we are, and why we are here. But after years and years of the wrong information, we learn to forget. And to distort and manipulate. And to settle for lives not even close to being seen for who we are.

Like following bread crumbs through the forest, having no idea where we are going or where it will lead to, we begin this journey of self-discovery by tracing ourselves backwards towards that original truth; with the starting point being right now. As in, is there a place in your life where you feel dissatisfied around how you are being seen, or the place you hold in the world? Is there a part of you that not only yearns for something else, but actually knows there is something else here for you? How is it that you most want to be known, and therefore seen, in this world?

This is not a job description. It is not a way of gaining acceptance or having your worth externally validated. It is not a way of making money. It is not about forcing someone to see something about you. It is the inward essence and the outward embodiment of what lives deep inside of you; looking for a way out.

When was the last time you felt truly seen by another? An experience that felt complete unto itself. A reflection you could see in another person’s eyes when they looked at you that had nothing to do with what you could do or give to them? And if this has not been available to you, do you have any idea why not?

When I was in the desert living in circle with 12 other women, I had daily experiences of being seen. It filled me with such strength. I felt supported in ways I have often denied myself, or did not receive in my first communities growing up. And it all began when I made the commitment to myself that I was going to allow myself to be seen for who I most am, and who I most yearn to grow into. This was not an easy thing to do. It meant putting myself out there. It meant being vulnerable. It meant admitting that I wanted to be seen for what was most extraordinary in me.

Being seen for who we truly are is not one of those human wants that would be nice if we got it, but that we could muddle through without. No. Instead, this is one of those central, core human needs that gone unmet will leave us resorting to the wrong things, while traveling the wrong avenues, to get those wrong things; in the end leaving us unseen and unknown to both ourselves, and the world.