What If…

 

Every thought was a prayer, and every prayer was answered?

Your thoughts really did create your reality?

You knew that what you thought, said, and did mattered?

You knew that you mattered?

The state of the world was not separate from your state?

Your happiness really was in your own hands?

It really was possible to break with a past that no longer served?

You got exactly what you thought about, whether you wanted it or not?

What then?

 

Our Collective Past

 

I am just now making my way back from a very emotional and psychologically painful week. One that plunged me into the darkest recesses of my own past, along with that of our collective past. It all began innocently enough while I was doing my weekly shop at the Co-Op I belong to. The story goes like this.

As I was shopping, an employee approached me from behind, brusquely saying “Your mask isn’t covering your nose.” Caught off guard, I turned around to face him, pausing for a moment to catch up with what was happening. At which point he said “Are you going to do something about it?” Pause. Pause. Pause. “Sure,” was my reply.

As he walked away, saying loud enough for all in the general area to hear, he declared, “Someone’s gotta do it.” And then went on to rip into me with a fellow employee, the likes of which I did not stay to listen to. But as I walked away, like a bolt from beyond, the word “vigilantism,” dropped into my mind, and I began to get what I will call overlays of past times. I saw lynchings of black men. I saw women being raped. I saw Jews being driven out of their homes and annihilated. Through it all I could feel the righteous indignation of those bringing the harm as they justified to themselves and to the world, “These people deserve it.”

Now, I recognize that this is very, very far out there. But is it? For modern science is finally catching up to what people have always known. That being, we carry the traumas of our past encoded directly into our DNA. As a matter of fact, recent research is saying we carry the trauma of our ancestors for fourteen generations. Fourteen generations. This means we all carry a past of harm. And, this means we all have access to learning and healing from our collective histories.

Why am I telling you all of this? Partly because I am trying to be with the undercurrent that is building. A kind of undertow that carries with it atrocities large and small if we do not intervene. I am trying to understand my role in all of this. And partly I am telling you this because I want to start a conversation based on respect and the inclusion of differing view points. This is how that conversation would go.

Should my mask have been up over my nose? According to the current mandates, yes. But not according to the wiser and deeper part of me that says I need to breathe freely in order to remain healthy, and that my health is the greatest contribution I will ever make to the common good. Was that man within his jurisdiction as an employee of the Co-Op to say something to me? Sure. But his thinly veiled hostility and dangerous self-righteousness smacks of past atrocities. Ones where we were so very certain that we had the fix on the truth, and that because of that, any and all words or actions were therefore, justified.

I keep wondering how history will judge this time period. My bet is that it will not be favorable. My bet is that people will shake their heads at how we have allowed fear to drive us, dehumanize us, and separate us. So whether you believe I “deserved” it or not, how much are you willing to sacrifice of our shared humanity? How much dignity are you willing to strip from another? How many edicts will you agree to in the name of this?

 

Why Not?

 

I was co-leading a series on women’s health and their journey into healing when unexpectedly, the woman I am facilitating with began what felt like a very channeled outpouring. All of which fell under the heading of, “Why Not?”

As in, why not be better to yourself? Why not take charge of your life and your health in a way that makes sense to you? Why not claim this one life of yours? Not only was the question unexpected, it was downright inspiring. Exactly where I most want to be in my life and in the company of others; exploring what is possible while blowing up false and distorted limitations.

The way this question was posed sat on the other end of the spectrum of a conversation that I had had earlier in the day. One where I was listening to a long list of “why nots.” Not in the inspiring sense, but as in why it could not happen. (Interesting that the same phrase can work in both directions.) Why they could not find a job. Why they could not do what they really wanted to do. Why it was not possible to be OK given what is going on in the world.

My goodness how easy it is to feel that way right now. So easy to fall into the mindset that what we really want cannot, or will not, happen. Given the state of affairs, who could argue? You would have to be a mad woman, beyond naive, or living in a bubble to believe anything else. Right? It seems so logical to go with gloom and doom and everything that could not possibly happen. So very, very justifiable. So realistic.

How foolhardy, foolish, risky, dangerous even to believe in the why not? of possibility and no-holds-barred. So, instead, we go along with a program that none of us actually wants; believing we have no other options. And while it may be true that the times are especially challenging, don’t we do this regardless of the times? That being, focus on why not, and not in the open and curious way, but in all of the ways that it will not happen.

But the truth is, we always have options. And somewhere deep down we know this, which is why we are so enamored with heroes and heroines across history. And do you know why we love them? Not because they were guaranteed an outcome or had all the answers. Not because they were being realistic or level-headed, but because, against all odds, they said why not? in a big and brave way. Because they decided on something and went for it. Stood by it. Lived and breathed it in ways large and small. Whether it was easy, difficult or approved of by consensus reality. Or not.

I do not think anyone has said it better than Abraham Lincoln when he stated, “Determine that the thing can and shall be done, and then we shall find the way.”

And that is precisely how it works. Something must be determined, first. And then the way reveals itself. Not, the other way around, as many of us would demand. Want in on something that links you to the greatest among us? What can you determine today? Something that you can hold to long enough to be shown the way. Because truly, why not?

Out of The Box

 

I often work with imagery, visualizations, when trying to understand myself better, or when confronting an issue that confounds me. This practice has long helped me to get another perspective. One where solutions and healings that had been eluding me are suddenly, boldly, and easily, forthcoming and available.

I recently got an image that has been powerfully working on me. One that has universal applications around what it means to be alive; especially when we find ourselves stuck or “attacking” who we are or life’s demands in repetitive ways.

I saw myself as a bird. There were lots and lots of other birds around me. We were all trying to fly, but kept banging up against a glass box. I could not see my way out. I could not see behind me. I could only see the sides right in front of me. And they were all glass. They were all impenetrable. And though I had flown higher in the box than the other birds looking for a way out, I was as trapped as they were.

I got the message to stop doing what I was doing. That though I had developed lots of skills, I was still stuck in a paradigm of my own making that did not allow me to express the truth and the freedom of who I am. That my bashing up against the box was not only fruitless, insane and harmful, it was leaving me to believe all the wrong things about what is possible in my life.

Cultures since the beginning of time have used imagery to help and to heal. Even our Western world of medicine is now beginning to recognize the powerful impact visualizing has on everything from mental health to healing diseases like cancer. Best part? You don’t need any training. Humans know how to imagine. We do it all the time.

Only problem is we usually use this powerful and life-giving capacity to imagine what we don’t want. To conjure up fears. To have fake fights with others in our minds. To tell people off. To ruminate over worst case scenarios.

But what would it be like to begin to turn towards this innate capacity in a positive and life-affirming way? This right-sided expertise of the brain that helps us to see things in new and creative ways is not to be ignored when it comes to out-of-the-box thinking. Now I don’t know what is going on in your life, but it seems easy to make the case these days that out-of-the-box thinking is, well, our only way out of the box.

Try it. Lie in bed in the morning, drowse in a chair, sit outside watching the wind blow the trees, or any similar equivalent. Let yourself focus on something you need help with. It can be absolutely anything. Then let your mind drift while you ask for an image to help you. Stay loose. Stay soft. Open up.

Write down what you saw because in the writing often more will be revealed to you. Let the image turn over and over in your mind. But do it softly. More than think, feel what you have been gifted with. Let it inform you.

 

Secret Police

 

Last week, as I was coming out of the Co-op, I saw something remarkable, telling, and quite possibly a serious harbinger of things to come if we are not careful. Something at once to be inspired by, and fearful of. Something that was encapsulated in one brief moment in time through the simplest of gestures. Human contact.

Two employees were passing one another; one coming into the store, the other going out. They did not see me watching them. As they passed one another, they connected hands with a soft, down-low high five in the most subtle of ways. An interaction that if you had not been paying attention to, you would have missed.

I watched them, mesmerized by the strength of the human spirit finding its way into flesh. Into expression. Into contact. This, despite the sterilizing restrictions mandating against such a thing. I smiled. But the employee coming into the store never saw that. Instead, when he saw me watching them, he startled back.

So much there in such a “small” instant. Do you see it? For to see this is to see what it is that is happening, along with what it is that we would never want to happen. Do you see that too?

For beyond all that we believe we need to do, or have been told we need to do, there must always be some things we would never want to lose. Or agree to. Or forget. Or become. Or do to one another.

Looking back, I wish I had done something to indicate how I felt about the hopefulness of that gesture. About the fact that I am clear I am no public shamer nor self-appointed secret police.

Given what we are up against here, all of the confusion, the fear, the uncertainty and more, could we at least agree to not turn against one another? Could we at least agree to never lose track of what it is that brings health and hope to a human being?

 

The Virtuous

 

I have been doing an online course that studies Celtic virtues as a way to navigate life. Especially useful during times of challenge. It has been a profound and meaningful experience in a boots-on-the-ground kind of way. We have worked with, and explored, the virtues of wisdom, generosity, humility and more; finding ways to incorporate these states of excellence into the way we live.

It all promises to support a lifelong journey of becoming ever more masterful of an inner balance that brings an outer balance.

In other words, the development of strengths from the inside out and a kind of honing that has nothing to do with looking virtuous. Instead, having everything to do with developing a an inner moral compass that is yours and yours alone. One that transcends the times, other people’s opinions, and even, ultimately, your own shortcomings.

In light of this, and in light of the times we are living in, I have questions. A lot of them. Here are a few:

When did it become virtuous to follow an outer authority without question?

When did it become virtuous to do things not because you believed in them but because you did not want to upset another?

When did it become virtuous to vilify others who believed differently than you?

When did it become virtuous to agree to choices driven by profit and corporate agenda?

When did it become virtuous to abdicate free will?

And when did it become virtuous to be afraid with others as a way to show you care?

I recognize that we are all up against something big, unknown and scary. And yet, isn’t that exactly the time to lean into virtues like wisdom, humility and generosity? I know this is hard. But all things virtuous and worth doing, worth living for, fighting for and dying for, are. That’s the point. The virtues are not when it is easy and anyone could do it. The virtues are for when you don’t know what to do. Or for when you might forget what to do.

Or, for when you might be pressured, shamed or guilted to do what you would never want to do.

When I was growing up, my father’s side of the family was very, very Catholic. There were nuns and priests in the family. It was a time when someone like my grandfather would go to mass every day. I went to. That’s what we did. Not every day, but on Sundays.

At some point it began to dawn on me that there were people in church often seen as the most pious, the most virtuous of all, who actually were nothing of the kind. “Good people” who were never shy to remind you of just that. How good they were. Along with how unassailable their goodness was, such that to speak against it was a blasphemous act of the highest order. Punishable by death. Or at least one of its equivalents.

We have to be very, very careful right now about what we choose to believe it is that makes us good and virtuous people. And when it is that we are using that “goodness” as a cover for something that should never, ever, be allowed to take hold between us or within us.

The Simple Things

 

Years ago, in a book I was reading by Anne Lamott, she told a story of a friend who had only two prayers: Help and Thank You. Over time, I have come back to this off and on again. I am back on.

I find that when our worlds, inner and/or outer, begin to spin with greater and greater intensity and complexity, uttering these two simple words reduces everything back down to something manageable. Real. And ultimately, profoundly healing in the most easeful of ways.

We have been led to believe that our solutions must be big, technological, hard won and often, even beyond us. We have come to believe within ourselves that we must do it all, figure it all out, worry our way into or out of something. So it takes enormous courage and a kind of bold letting go to opt for something which seems so unsophisticated and to the untrained eye, naive and childish even.

And yet, look around. Better yet, look within. How’s that working out for us?

Just Like Me

 

As I have been finding my way through the times we are living in, I have been enrolled in a Compassion Cultivation Training course. I got into it because in the midst of anticipating a challenging encounter several months ago, I “randomly” opened a book on compassion that had been sitting on my shelf for a while. And then, I “randomly” opened to a section on a practice recognizing our common humanity with others known as “Just Like Me.” As in, Just like me, this person I am struggling with seeks to be happy. Just like me, this person seeks to avoid suffering. Just like me, they…

I spoke this phrase in my mind regarding the ones I was battling with, and in an instant, everything went quiet. Immediately. And a deep, deep peace washed over me. Given how much apprehension, resistance and inner girding was in play for me, I cannot begin to tell you how surprising this all was.

And how very, very welcome.

I do not want to be at war with another. And yet, I find it one of the most challenging things I wrestle with. That being, how to live the truth of who I am and what it is that I want for the world while bumping up against others who have a different agenda. Whose version can seem to collide with what I most value. To be at odds with what makes sense to me. To smash into, and even deny, who I am and what I most yearn for with all my heart.

And I find it particularly challenging when fear is in play. For either myself or the other. For it is in those times that we, in our state of fear, begin to look for a source of danger. Begin to look outside of ourselves to identify where the threat is coming from. This is a great plan when the danger is real, but a catastrophically bad one when one our fears are imagined.

For to be in a place of imagined fear with another pits us against each other. Leaves us only able to believe that the one on the other side of us is wrong, evil, the problem. A danger. And because our fears are imagined while simultaneously seeming so very real, we cannot see our way clear of this because the fear locks us in; keeping the wrong thing alive. Fear, because of its connection to survival, even when imagined, will keep us fighting off imagined foes and all the while justifying our actions as necessary. In effect, fighting a made-up battle against a made-up foe.

I saw that in myself that day when I recognized how I was seeing others as different from me. Not like me at all. And in that place, I was able to make them the bad guys. The source of my suffering. The ones in the wrong. It left me recognizing that in keeping them separate from me, I was increasing and holding onto my own suffering. And I was ignoring that they were having their own experience. As legitimate as my own.

We have so much of this going on between us now. And I will tell you that as long as we keep the “other” side on the “wrong” side, we will all suffer. Greatly. 

To be clear, this is not about accepting bad behavior. It is not about forgoing your values, what you need or who you are. Instead, it is about recognizing that everyone, everywhere, at every time, and under every circumstance is somehow just like you. Even if the agenda is different. Even if their solutions and sensibilities are different. Even if their way of life, their politics, their beliefs, their “you name it” are different.

We are all just like one another in that we all want to be happy and avoid suffering. In that we all want to be loved and recognized. In that we all want to be safe and free from harm. In that we all want a world that makes sense to us. In that we all…

The book I mentioned is called A Fearless Heart: How The Courage To Be Compassionate Can Change Our Lives by Thupten Jinpa, and the program can be found at https://www.compassioninstitute.com

 

 

 

Power

 

I recently found myself in a strong conversation with friends around vaccines. As we all know, this is one of those topics that can get heated and divisive. Fast. As I pondered this conversation, spending the day that followed reflecting more deeply into what lies behind such trouble spots between us, especially when you factor in that we all want to do right by our children, this is what I came to.

It occurs to me that beyond the divide of which side you find yourself on, beyond the heated arguments, and beyond the entrenched beliefs that give rise to so much intensity, is an issue of power. As in who currently has it, and therefore gets to decide, frame and orchestrate how things go. Interestingly enough, this is being reflected everywhere right now. Whether we are talking about Black Lives Matter, the political divide, wearing masks, education, medicine, guns, war, food, you name it. It is all up for grabs as many of the current structures holding the power are being challenged.

Power and how it is concentrated, and therefore behaves and enforces, is right at the heart of everything we as a people are facing at this moment in time. Of course this has always been there, visibly or not, but interestingly enough, it is now being magnified to such an extent that we cannot ignore inherent, unfair and unjust power differentials any longer. Beyond the discomfort, the chaos and the break down, it has all become so much easier to see, track, and therefore, address.

And so, as we step forward, an important element to keep in mind is that when you are under the umbrella of the current power structure, you are given protected status. No matter what. Whether you are right or wrong, fair or unfair, and even whether or not your beliefs and actions are life-saving or life-depleting. And when you are not under the umbrella, your views, needs, wants and vision are dismissed, demonized, denigrated, ignored and sometimes, even outright punished.

Because power misused marginalizes and disenfranchises whatever does not fall in line with its agenda, whatever challenges it or falls outside of its tightly held scope, is given the boot. One way or another.

Power concentrated in less than life-giving and life-affirming ways can feel so ugly to those of us seeking a world worth living in for all. One that includes a range and diversity of acceptance and respect that extends well beyond even the important conversation we are having right now around race. Because at its best, what we are coming to is a way to be in relationship with one another that honors All. All beliefs. All needs. All visions. All ways of being.

To bring it directly into something more manageable within each of our lives, where do you refuse to honor another perspective? Where do you demonize those holding an opposing position that you not only cannot understand, but that somehow feels like a threat to you? You do not even have to go to the “big issues.” Just watch what you do in the daily around feeling angry or threatened by those choosing differently than you. Pay particular attention to how you are able to do what you do based on whether your “party” is in power or not.

And could you, for even one moment, consider that just like you, the other side is doing what makes sense to them? And could we decide to land there with each other instead of either taking cover under the umbrella of the current power structure, or falling outside of that shelter, feeling victimized or defensive.

This is never about whether or not you believe “my side,” but instead, that all sides get a place at the table; whether they fall under the protected status of the power in office, or not.

(And to those who were part of this conversation recently, thank you for helping me to get more clear)

Trust & The Times

 

“Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.”

This powerful line by Goethe has been one of my most steadfast reminders and mantras for almost two decades. I ran into this profound guidance just when I needed it most. As in, just when I was open enough to believe that perhaps, just perhaps, it was up to me to decide how I got to live. How I got to feel about myself. How I got to choose what to believe in, what to want, what to need and how to be.

This was all happening at a time when I was just beginning to wake up to the idea that my life would remain the unhappy mess I often fell into because of my outer and other oriented approach to Life. Or, I could find another way. There was no choice as far as I was concerned. As a new mother, I was up against the harsh reality that Life as I had known it, was over. And even though a great deal of me wanted to hunker down and force things through per usual, another wiser, more trust-worthy part knew that somehow this was my chance. Though at the time I could not have told you what that chance was that was being offered to me.

But I can now.

And what I can tell you is this. That “time” I am referring to is here now for all of us. Whether we want it or not. Whether we are comfortable or not. Whether we feel as though we can do it or not. The time is now and it is here. And it cares not for our ideas around how things are supposed to go. It is here and it is asking one question, and one question only: Will you be with it? Will you let yourself be shaped by the times, carried by them, smashed to smithereens by them, squeezed out empty by them? With no guarantees offered. With little foreshadowing available. And with lots of confusion, frustration and missteps, along with lots and lots of hard work.

This is not easy and writing it makes me wonder who would ever sign up for such a thing? The answer? None of us. Not one of us. Which is why the big shifts in our lives come in ways we have no control over. In ways we did not see coming, nor would ever ask for. And yet, somewhere in all of this there is a hidden promise. That being, that if you can learn to navigate the unknown and the unknowable, exactly as you and only you can do, mistakes and all, you will be gifted with the most profound of all capacities: self-trust.

Self-trust gifts us with the colossal ability to go inside, to go below the noise and the external pressures of those around us, as well as our own fears, hang-ups and limitations. And in the going beyond we come to a place where the most exquisite answers and guidance reside. A place that does not answer to the status quo, consensual reality or mass consciousness. A place that despite the way it moves against consensual reality, offers up, for all of us when even one of us gets there, the most supreme of all perspectives; a flowing, never-ending Source of information that transcends the 24-hour news cycles, social media feeds, the fears du jour, and all of the rest of the inner and outer noise that we engage in that takes us away from ourselves, each other and the Truth.

Do you feel called to help the place we individually and collectively find ourselves in now? If so, the greatest act you could ever take would be to learn how to trust yourself. To learn how to think for yourself. To learn what you need and then, how to satisfy only the realest of those needs.

How to begin? Make a commitment to yourself that you, and only you, can decide what is right and true for you. Then, watch what happens. And when you come to all of the places where you allow others to tell you what to believe in, what to want, what to feel, and how to be, know that your work has just begun. And when you come to the place that believes that to do this would be selfish, know that your work has just begun. Best of all, know that it will be the most valuable and finest work you have ever done.

P.S. Get away from the mind-numbing and incessant messages that distract you and that you take as your own, without even knowing it. Question whether your thoughts are your own, or are something you have picked up from outside of you. The only way to do this is two-fold: get agenda-free time on your own, and fast from outside versions of “truth,” in whatever form they take.