Author Archives: Susan McNamara

A Vision For Your Life

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In a training I’m taking, the teacher talked about how when we create any kind of a vision, we must include both what we can influence, as well as what we cannot. That it is a sacred and courageous endeavor to include the whole picture whenever you are imagining what you would like to have or to create. Otherwise, the vision will be too timid. It will be too removed from the realities of what it actually takes to dream something into existence.

For to carry a vision is to carry both sides of the equation; without allowing yourself to be deluded as to what is yours to do and what is not.

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this. Especially the part about including what I have absolutely no influence over. I’ve been avoiding this part of the equation. And I certainly haven’t been paying homage to the importance of including what I have no control over. Instead, I often skip right over the scary reality that there is so much I cannot influence.

Especially when it comes to other people. What it is they will do. Or won’t do. What it is they will say. Most unsettling of all, what their response might be to something I would love to do or express, but that might be unfamiliar to them. Or more to the point, contrary to what they believe is possible.

I’ve been realizing this is why so many of us let go of our childhood dreams. Why so many of us feel something inside of us that wants to be born, but that we thwart because of “what they will say.” With “what they will say” mostly amounting to thinking that what we would dare to dream is stupid. Naive. Not possible.

Not one of us wants to be on the receiving end of such dismissal and diminishment. That’s why it can feel far too risky to go for something when you are imagining it will not be received with the support you could use.

To dream something into existence is not for the faint of heart. And yet, I believe it is one of the things we all most yearn for. It doesn’t have to be grand and on the world stage. It can be as simple as trying your hand at the creative arts just because it brings you pleasure. It can be deciding that your vision of peace for the world is something you will maintain in your own home. It can be be dancing, writing and creating where what is visioned into existence stays within the walls of your own home.

It can also be something on a larger scale as well. But the point is, the size, and even the outcome, matters not. What matters most is giving attention to something you envision for yourself or the world. What matters most is to look at what it is you can influence and then bring everything you’ve got to that knowing.

Perhaps what matters most here is you look squarely in the eye at everything you have no control over, and you do it anyway. Despite your fears. Despite “what they will say.” Despite your own uncertainties. For to bring a vision into the world is to allow the will of the gods to come through you.

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Authenticity

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Where I live, we have all kinds of wild animals; bears, bobcats, porcupines, hawks, foxes, deer and more. When my kids were older, and I would stop the car to get a better look at an animal before it went into the woods, they would always joke about what a big deal I was making of it all. I didn’t care. There was just something so special about getting to see wild creatures in their own home.

It always feels like such an honor and such a blessing to catch even a glimpse of them.

I think one of the reasons I’m so called to these moments is because of the unwavering authenticity of the animals. It feels like something I can trust. Something I can learn from. Something that reminds me of who I am. And what I can be.

An animal in the wild is never anything less than fully who and what it is. No matter what I might want. No matter what the world might be doing. The hawk will always want to pick off one of my chickens. The porcupine will always want to decimate my fruit trees. And though I may want the majestic ones like the moose, bears and the bobcats to pause a little longer so I can just be with them, they do not answer to me. Ever.

They do not adjust themselves to me. They are always, single-mindedly going to be and do whatever they are and whatever they need to do. Therein lies the secret of their integrity, as well as sacred instructions for how to live.

For to fully and authentically inhabit ourselves each and every moment creates a life based in integrity and makes us a trustworthy source for both ourselves and others. On the other hand, when we shift and negotiate ourselves based on our fears, insecurities, conditioning, wounds, what others expect of us, the demands of the modern world, we are not trustworthy. Nor are we happy, fulfilled or fully expressed.

That’s why it’s such a big deal to choose to find your way into your authentic self.

Unfortunately, we have been schooled to not be ourselves. To not feel what we are feeling. To not know what we are knowing. And because this false sense of who we are has become so familiar to us, so deeply embedded in how we think about ourselves and interact with others, it can feel impossible to get away from what has been created in this regard.

Too dangerous to challenge or look at all the ways we are not ourselves.

Then there are all the “rewards” for not being authentic. For not saying what is really on our mind because of how others get to feel more comfortable with what they are doing. There are no awkward moments when we leave something unchallenged. No need to work something out. No strength to be acquired to go against the grain of what the culture demands. No need to develop courage to say “No” to all the life-depleting choices we are being offered.

There are so many ways we are “rewarded” for not rocking the boat, for agreeing with the status quo, for going along to get along.

But the real and arduous road to authenticity means rooting out all the ways you are not your authentic self. And because we are so accustomed to not being fully ourselves, we have lots of opportunities to practice each and every day. It’s in the smile or the laugh you give when you feel otherwise. It’s in your silence when you disagree. It’s in your decision to do something, not because it feels right to you, but because everyone else is doing it.

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Following Your Own Inner Rhythms To Balance

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One of the things we can all see when we look around is a widespread lack of balance. Whether in our own lives or the ways of the world, we live in times of extremes where we flip flop between too much and too little. Where intensity is followed by collapse and where overdoing and underdoing are the name of the game.

This can look like having too intense of a work week followed by a sedentary weekend in front of a screen. It can look like our bodies being burned up by stress, only to have to get sick to balance out the intensity. It can look like depression and anxiety, dieting and binging or starting up a bunch of the latest activities du jour, only to let them fall by the wayside. And it can look like the vitriol expressed on the world stage and the apathy that follows when we feel there is nothing we can do.

Many of us feel trapped in this pendulum swing between too much and too little; believing this is just the way it is now. That we are victim to something beyond our control. So though we may yearn for a sense of balance in our lives, it can feel out of reach. Or like it is some failing on our part that we just can’t seem to get there. Or maybe that it is some one or some things fault that balance cannot be experienced.

But like all things worth having, a sense of balance is an inside job, has nothing ultimately to do with the externals and is actually innate to us.

Best of all, we have a constant reminder every single day of what balance looks like in the form of the natural world. And right now, as we enter the time of The Fall Equinox, where light and dark, for a moment in time, are balanced, we are being offered a visceral reminder of what we already know and possess.

That being, that when we are attuned to our own natural rhythms, balance is the result.

When looked at from this perspective, the externals become secondary to our capacity to tune into ourselves and what it is we are knowing and needing. The ways of the world, life and other people becoming an opportunity to sink more solidly within our own personal rhythms. To that place deep inside that knows how to ride the ups and downs of existence.

This is different than getting bashed around according to the latest crisis or challenge of the moment. But it requires both a shift in your perspective when it comes to what is happening, as well as a running practice to keep you close to your own experience.

To claim your reactions and responses are your responsibility is an enormous undertaking. This perspective shift means your reactions are yours and do not emanate from some external source. Not only is this the work of a lifetime, it will bless you with the greatest empowerment you can imagine when you learn to stop blaming what is outside of you for how you feel.

When it comes to a running practice to help you remember, your breath and your capacity to bring yourself back to the moment you are in, is the directest route to helping you connect with your own natural rhythms. The very same ones that will guide you into the next choice that needs to be made to help you live in a continual flow of inner adjustments; all circling around that often elusive experience of balance.

This all looks like staying very close to yourself, no matter what is going on. You get very intentional about checking in with your experience as you move across your day. So even when there is a difficult conversation or too much on your plate, you own your response to that intensity and you make a conscious choice to feel yourself breathing. Maybe you even ask yourself a question like, What is making this so difficult for me right now?

This is not about fixing yourself, judging yourself, or even trying to create balance. Instead, it is merely a moment in time where you tune into yourself. It is in this turning towards yourself, coupled with an open wondering about your experience, that allows you to tap back into your own innate rhythm. From there, balance is the natural outcome. No matter what is happening on the outside.

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Closing The Door

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I’m back from being away on vacation, so there’s lots to be done this week. The emails that need answering, loads of laundry, phone calls, weeding, harvesting, work-related projects and more.

As I’m setting up for my morning practice on the first day back, though it’s early, I already have a load of laundry going. So as I start to settle into meditation, I can hear the spin cycle on the washer humming away. The sound presses in on me; reminding me of all that needs doing. With this reminder comes a kind of tension to hurry up and “get things done.”

It makes it hard to settle in and to give myself this time. But then something occurs to me. The fix is obvious. All I have to do is to close the door between the spaces so that it’s easier to turn towards myself. Easier to settle into a time I count on to set myself straight. So simple.

But simple is not always easy. Especially in a world that loves to obfuscate and complicate what is most essential to us and to our lives here. Not to mention a mind that loves to list out all the reasons why we cannot possibly carve out time for ourselves and the deeper experiences of Life.

All of this is noise. Pure and simple. Life-depleting, soul-sucking noise. If it weren’t so devastating, it might be funny how absolutely ineffectual we can be when it comes to carving out time for ourselves. But it’s not funny because of how many of us don’t have a clue about what is being lost.

Without time on our own, without the space to have a thought free of what’s coming across a screen, without the room to get clear about whether or not your life is working for you, you will be taken down the wrong road. Every single time. This will leave you with no other option than to agree to and settle for all the wrong things. A kind of saying “Yes” by default to those things in Life without meaning or substance.

Time on your own, free from what the world demands of you is not a luxury. It is foundational and non-negotiable if you have any hope of hearing what your body is telling you, along with the call of your own soul. It is an inner demand if you have any chance of making daily choices that line up with what you value most.

Making time for yourself regularly is the antidote to succumbing to the madness and the falsehoods of a world intent on distracting you from yourself. Ready for something else? Learn to close some door every single day to give yourself the chance to hear how things are going and you just might find yourself spending some of the most satisfying and course-correcting time you will spend all day.

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Warrior Courage

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My yoga teacher would often talk of the spiritual path as a great battle, and how there was a far greater peace to be had on the other side of that battle. What he meant of course, was the value in meeting our challenges head on. That rather then collapsing in defeat, or trying to sidestep whatever was in front of us, we instead go heads up and bravely towards that battle. That we go right through the center of it, until we come out on the other side.

The image of a battle is frightening. It’s bloody. There’s collateral damage. It is unlike the civility of every day life. Though you want a particular outcome, there is no guarantee. And you never know what will be asked of you.

No wonder so many of us could never imagine going straight through anything that intense or unpredictable. More to the point, that potentially deadly. No wonder we would want to fall down. Or slink away. The problem being, if we do that, the battle still rages on. Only now we are at the mercy of something that will have its way with us whether we participate or not.

The battle to which I refer is the call of your own soul and the fight for your own sovereignty and authenticity. This formidable call from within is hard to answer in a world that pushes for the inauthentic where we are taught to people-please, diminish our own light and medicate ourselves into oblivion. The greatness that resides within being kept from the very difficult challenges it requires to emerge intact.

When we refuse the call of meeting our lives head on, we never develop the skills to be with what is difficult. This sets up a domino effect of more avoidance on our part of what is hard, which then means we actually cannot meet the next hardness that comes our way with anything but fear and anxiety. This sets up more exaggerated beliefs that it’s all too difficult, and that we just don’t have it in us; leaving us alienated from the very thing we most yearn for.

The good news is, this is precisely where we begin. Right at that place in our life that feels like a battleground we are not capable of meeting. Only, this time, instead of turning away, we run towards it. We say to ourselves, “I see you and I honor you as the honing I require to emerge fully myself.”

Maybe this means sitting for one minute, or even ten seconds, with an uncomfortable feeling before you distract yourself or project it onto another. And then, you build from there. Before you know it, after many, many moments like this, you have taught yourself how to be brave and how to stand in your place when the going gets tough. Before you know it, what used to feel like more than you could do, is now something that strengthens you.

This is where the courage of the warrior is born. The one who can be with what is frightening. The one who can step out of their comfort zone, by allowing what needs to die to go in order to re-imagine their life outside of the limited view of themselves they have been given. The one who asks for nothing other than to know the truth of who they are and why they are here.

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“Nothing & Everything”

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“This is nothing I ever wanted, and everything I ever needed.”

This phrase drops in recently in the midst of a roller coaster ride inside my own mind in response to the outer circumstances happening in my life. In case you haven’t already gathered, I didn’t want what was happening to be happening. But it was. Hearing these words softened the experience though; reminding me I do not always know what is best for me. But that the Universe does.

On this particular day, I had the grace to see the blessing that was being offered to me, despite experiencing something I did not want. Of course, it hasn’t been like that every day. Some days, I am like a fish on a line; fighting against “what is” with every ounce of strength I have.

And therein lies the suffering. The misery. The struggle. And the blame. All centered around the fact that things are not other than what they are. That life and other people are not doing what I want them to do. Or to be.

We all know this place. We all know the internal battle that gets waged when we do not want what is happening to be happening. Maybe it’s an illness. Or the ways of the world. Or a relationship not working out. It can be any manner of things. And if we’re paying attention, we can find examples in our lives large and small, of all the things we do not want to be happening, but that are. Of the nearly continuous stream of suffering we experience daily over all the things we want to be other than as they are.

Like the weather. Or the traffic. Or what someone else is doing, believing or saying. On and on it goes. We make the mistake that our suffering will end when that thing or that person outside of us is different. Or goes away. Or just somehow lines up with our version. We can spend our lives like this. Victimized by what is outside of us. Hoping, praying, pushing, cajoling, fighting. All in an effort to get Life to line up with our very own narrative.

But if we were willing to wise up, we would see that it has never worked out. That even when we feel as though it has worked in one situation, another will arise in its place that will not respond to our efforts. It stands to reason then, that we need another way. Another approach to being in a world that will always being doing something other than what we want it to be doing.

Best I have come up with is something I once heard. “This is not being done against you, it’s being done for you.” What if we took that attitude? Of course, it would mean we would have to own up to the fact we do not always know what is best for us. That we cannot see the larger picture to know how what is happening is somehow perfect for us.

Meaning? A whole lot of surrender. A deep and abiding trust that we are are part of Something Greater. And a willingness to shift our perception away from fighting “what is,” and instead, learn to say “Yes” to What Is.

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The Sacred Thread Of Our Lives

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I was in a yoga class this week and we were talking about the full moon. It seems in the Vedic tradition, this moon symbolizes a recommitment to that which you hold dear. The teacher spoke of this time as a “Re-tying of the sacred thread.” The thread referring to what is tied around the waist of young initiates with the re-tying referring to a reconsecration of your vows.

I couldn’t stop thinking about the phrase re-tying the sacred thread all throughout class. Even though I didn’t have a lot of words for it in the moment, it felt powerful and sacred. It felt necessary, honest and true. Truly, it felt to me like the greatest thing any one of us could ever choose to do.

That being, to visit over and over and over again what it is we are committing our lives to.

What a True North this would be in a world increasingly less sacred, honest and true. In a world that encourages us to not have a compass by which to navigate, but instead, to be like a leaf in the wind, getting blown all over the place by whatever the prevailing winds are.

But to engage instead with the sacred thread is to choose what it is you stand for, and who and what you will be in the world. No matter what. Can you imagine it? What it would be like if more of us made a commitment to what is most important to us, and then lived by that?

This is not about party politics or forcing your views on another. Instead, this is about a deeply personal vow you make to the sacredness of your own life. One where you begin to walk the path of courage and discernment that says I will pay attention to what pulls my life out of balance. I will get a handle on what my mind is doing and how it is taking me in the wrong directions. I will become accountable for every single action I take with others; foregoing the victim and the need to blame another.

Our lives are like a great tapestry composed of so many threads. So many of which we have left ignored and untended though they be the most essential.

To even be in the position of re-tying your sacred thread is first and foremost to know what it is you have bound yourself to in this lifetime. For this, you need look no further than how you spend your time, money and energy while you wonder to yourself if your daily choices line up with the preciousness of your most sacred threads.

 

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Living For Today

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Last weekend I ran in a road race with a notoriously steep mile long climb. As I passed one of the volunteers, as a way to assuage the intense experience I was about to partake in, she said to me quite enthusiastically, “It’s not yesterday!” To which I responded as enthusiastically, “No it’s not!”

She was referring to the fact that the day before the weather had been intense. Huge downpours. High winds. Lightening. But as soon as the exchange was over, I realized what was spoken between us was so much more; serving as a profound reminder to get out of living and dwelling in the past as quickly and as often as I can.

To let yesterday be yesterday as I opened to, and lived fully in, today.

It was easy to see this during the race. Easy to recognize I could dwell on the poor night’s sleep I had experienced, or I could be on the road running and recognizing that I was doing quite well actually. I could focus on a couple of people displaying some poor social behavior at the start of the race, or I could be with what was actually occurring in any given moment. Opting to let go of what had already come and gone, and instead choosing to be with what was right now. And what was right now was filled with some truly wonderful, supportive and energetic people.

If you have ever learned to watch your mind and what it is thinking about, you know how often your mind dwells in the past. How often you live today colored by what was said and done “yesterday.” What that person did or didn’t do for you. How you were overlooked or embarrassed. How your heart was broken. How you were called something that hurt. How something was taken from you.

While we could all argue that something harmful or unfair did indeed happen “yesterday,” it is us who is keeping it alive in the “today.” It is us who keeps going over and over it. It is us who has allowed it to limit us now. It is us who can’t stop thinking about it or living by it.

If this makes sense to you, and you want the freedom and the possibility that exists in a “today” less colored by “yesterday,” get in the habit of checking in with yourself throughout the day by asking “Where am I right now?” Use this question to gauge whether you are in “today” or “yesterday.”

And whenever you catch yourself in “yesterday,” say to yourself “It’s not that time anymore.” 

It takes practice to get out of the habit of dwelling in the past. It takes courage to let go of the identity you have created based on that past. But if you stick with it, you will be rewarded with greater ease, clarity and a much more sane and realistic view of yourself and the world. One that is not rooted in “yesterday,” but in “today” with all of its limitless possibilities.

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Becoming More Intentional

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For more than twenty-five years, on every retreat I have ever been on, or any training I have ever participated in, I have always created an intention for my time away.

It was no different when I recently did a walking pilgrimage in Scotland. In fact, I had several intentions I was working with while I was away. One for my body. One for my time on the land. One for my traveling companion. And one for the expression of my life’s work.

Each day as we set out on the trail, I would say my intentions, and each night as I was falling asleep, I would repeat them again. And whenever I would hit a difficult patch on the trail, whether mentally or physically, I would repeat my intentions over and over again as a way to keep my mind focused on what I wanted.

Doing this helped me from falling into old patterns I no longer want to engage in, and as a way to bring me back to the present moment. This daily practice left me with a deep sense of clarity and peace, that served as an anchor and as an abiding focus; even when things got challenging.

Every day we have countless choices around how to think about, and be with, what is happening to us. Unfortunately, it’s too easy these days to miss out on that knowing because of the endless stream of distractions and all the ways we have to numb ourselves out. But ultimately, and unfortunately, this allows us to sidestep the necessity for taking responsibility for how we are living. In the process, we miss out on the enormous sovereignty and empowerment gained that comes with knowing we, and only we, get to choose how to live.

The sidestepping we do creates a weak mind. One that lacks the capacity to focus on what we want and who we most want to be. The result? The world we’re living in where so many of us think and behave in ways that are both personally and collectively destructive.

The way forward becomes then our determination to get clear on what it is we want. What it is that matters most to us. And then to choose for that over and over and over again; refusing to allow ourselves to be lulled into a Life we do not like or want.

It takes guts. And perseverance. But firstly it takes spending time with yourself to get clear on where you want to direct your energies. Once you have even a glimmer of that, create a statement. Keep it positive, present tense and direct. For example, My body is healthy, happy, strong and growing in endurance (one of mine from the trip).

Then, every time your mind wanders into anything but that, affirm your direction by stating your intention to yourself over and over again while you watch, and address, every naysaying, negative thought to the contrary.

Yes, it takes time. And lots of hard won determination. But truly, why not? Why be satisfied with a life of negativity, distraction and self-medication? Why not go for what you actually want?

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Beyond Groupthink

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“Courage is fear that has said its prayers” is a powerful statement I came across many years ago at a time when I was first confronting a lot of fears that had long gone unrecognized. Ones I was working my hardest to not see or deal with. Ones that were driving me to be and live in ways that were hurting me.

So it was nothing short of miraculous to hear I could find a way to be with what I thought I could not be with.

I turned to this sentiment as a touchstone to get a handle on the fears that were driving me. Getting into it, I saw the fears that were the scariest were mostly centered around (and still do) what would happen to me if I really stepped into the full expression of who I am.

Stepped into being the one beyond what others believed she should be. Stepped into being the one who used her own unique voice; even when that rattled the status quo. Stepped into being the one who did things differently because she had gotten clear on her values; even when those around her hadn’t and where that clarity might be perceived as a threat.

The fears I am referencing are deep and primal, and are the ones we all carry. They include the fear of being rejected. Of being retaliated against. Of being kicked out, not loved, gossiped about, ridiculed. I think you get the picture. As a matter of fact, I know you get the picture because these are the fears that keep all of us from being who we are.

Whether these fears are intentionally disseminated or are just being passed onto us, they are the ones that cut the deepest because they are the ones we learned about in childhood. The ones that came in when we didn’t have the cognitive capacity to discern whether to take them on as valid or not. The ones that came in at a time when it was impossible to go out on our own.

The ones that showed up at a time when we had to negotiate who we were, in order to stay within the safety and belonging of the group. And now, because we live in a world ever more infused with a kind of growing comfort around being surveilled, where our very actions, and soon to be our thoughts, are known and can be used against us, our belief that being ourselves is dangerous, is being amplified.

If you believe I am overstating something here, or have gone off the deep end, just think about the cancel culture that has been birthed out of our unhealthy attachments to social media where if you say something unpopular, you can be de-platformed and publicly humiliated; serving, in effect, as a kind of modern day stockade in the public square where you are held up as an example of what not to do as your community jeers at you.

Or how about the current practice of the social credit system in effect in China now (as well as being considered by other countries), where if one does something outside of the officially sanctioned government narrative, you lose access to things you need to live as a functioning member of society.

All of this to say: Never has it been more difficult to be who you truly are, and never has it been more important for the future of a world leaning more and more into a kind of enforced groupthink.

It is a very big ask of each of us to explore who we are beyond what “they” expect or demand of us because it requires us to be with our fears. To seek them out and to challenge them. To feel the fears we all experience around being ourselves and to step forward anyway. Not as a way to re-traumatize ourselves, but as an act of sovereignty and bravery that says “My life is far too precious for us all for me allow it to be silenced by out-of-date and culturally-induced fears.

 

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