Monthly Archives: December 2017

Existence

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The owl shapes its world without apology. Without needing a reason. Or permission. In so doing, it contributes to a more life-affirming ecology where its fullest expression benefits the existence of those species it shares space with; no matter what it looks like to the outside world.

This can happen only because in the animal kingdom there is no distortion around need. There is no past that warps an animal’s place in the world, or how it goes about expressing itself around others. And because it belongs to, and interacts with a larger community, where its full expression is balanced and in harmony with the full and non-judgmental expression of others, there is no movement, no struggle here that does not somehow fit the moment, and therefore, benefit the whole.

Humans, on the other hand, feel a need to justify, beg for, and apologize for, their right to be here. Their right to take up space. Their right to do what is in their best interest. We see this in the approval seeking so common to our species. We see this in our need to be other people’s version of us. We see this in the rules we play by that have nothing to do with our sanity, happiness, purpose, health, or, by the way, the common good. By choosing to live like this, not only do we warp, twist, and distort ourselves, but we do the very same with those sharing space with us.

Because we do not have a clear and accurate idea of who we are, and what it is that we actually need, we wind up doing great harm to both ourselves, and to others as we bring all of our distortions, blind spots, and histories to every single interaction we have. If you buy this, then, there is no greater legacy that you can leave to the world than to get clear on what your truest needs are, and then find healthy and balanced ways to meet them. There is no greater effort that you can engage in than to know who and what you actually are, and perhaps more importantly, what you are not.

CAUTION: This requires understanding and accepting that you may not always be the most beloved animal in the woods, but you will certainly be authentically and fully whatever you truly are.

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Shaping The World

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My husband recently gave me a card that boldly stated; This is your world. Shape it or someone else will.  He gave me this card as a reminder. He gave me this card because I had forgotten. What had I forgotten? How powerful the force of one person’s life-affirming focus can be on not only their own life, but also on the life of our world.

In the times we are living in, it can be so easy to forget that everything great that has ever shifted humankind has begun in the mind of one. And then, through association with “a one,” these different ways of seeing and being in the world have gone on to grow in the minds of enough of us that the balance finally gets tipped in a new direction. This has happened in all of our historically great social movements; causes that had to initially withstand ridicule, nay saying, disbelief, suspicion, and violence.

And while each “cause” that has ever moved us has had to make its way through and past what was unjust, unfair, and ignorant, ultimately, each movement has had to come to define itself around what it stands for; what it is trying to build and create and spread in the world. Ultimately, it has had to decide to live by a different truth, no matter what consensual reality is saying or doing.

Pick your pet peeve about the direction the world is spiraling in. What could you do to withdraw your energies and attention from what you do not want, and instead, direct them to what you most want in the world? Could you maybe watch less news? Could you maybe not spend time connecting with others over the injustices and the horrors of the world? Could you maybe not spend your days going over and over and over again inside your own mind all the things that terrify you about what is going on? Where could you be brave enough to stand for what you want as opposed to silently colluding with, or being a victim to, around what you do not want?

Try this: Unless something is working for you, don’t choose it; in any way, shape, or form.

P.S. Notice all the ways that the mind will tell you that to do this means that you will be unsafe, uninformed, ignorant, or naive if you do not link into the current “realities.” This is never about denying what is there. It is instead about choosing to focus your energy and attention on what it is that you most want to grow, be, and stand for in the world. Who will be brave enough?

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Personal Responsibility

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Because of the way that we can keep track of our children, they are losing essential opportunities to grow into responsible and trustworthy grown-ups. When did we trade a childhood-long apprenticeship, seasoned with our guidance, for turning them into objects of surveillance? When did we forget that for healthy responsibility to develop, our children must be given time and space to figure things out on their own? What kind of citizens are we molding when their every move is being monitored and tracked by the technologies we possess? Which by the way, can be gotten around.

It puts me in mind of the college student who leaves her cell phone in her room at night while she goes to sleep over at her boyfriend’s apartment. Why does she do this? Because her mother is tracking her. So, while this mother sleeps soundly at night “knowing” that her daughter is in her dorm room, reality tells a different story. Not only has deception been installed in the relationship, this mother has eroded her daughter’s opportunity to learn how to live with a code of conduct based on a developing judgment and growing integrity that can only come through careful tutelage under an adult, coupled with increasing opportunities for un-monitored experience.

When we place our children under surveillance, they may learn how to go undetected, but never will they learn how to take what we have given them, add in their own life experiences, and move towards taking greater and greater levels of personal responsibility. Their lives, and our world, needs people who have developed an inner code of conduct that they can navigate by; whether someone is watching or not.

Additionally, we are training our children to be comfortable with being monitored, watched, and followed. How will this serve our children and the collective good? Big Brother really misses the mark here. For their future and for the future of a democratic nation, we must be intent upon raising a citizenry, who through years and years of training, guidance, and support, learns how to take personal responsibility for their choices. Not because they are being watched but because they have come to the conclusion that this is the kind of person they most want to be. Because they have internalized the best of what we have to pass on to them. Because they have learned to think about more than themselves. And because they have matured into understanding the cause and effect relationship of their actions in the world.

How will our children learn self-regulation, independent thinking, and trustworthy behavior, all aspects of personal responsibility, if they rely on being watched in order to do the right thing?

 

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Parallels

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Last weekend I ran in a road race that included me and my closest 6000 friends. This is so not my type of race. I am much more built for the small, “mom and pop event;” preferably one that would take me through the woods. And yet, I love this race. Why? Because of the visible and palpable displays of inclusion, camaraderie, support, and good will.

For instance, there were the pairs of runners where one friend, mother, father, or mentor gently and steadfastly encouraged along their struggling protegee. There were the festive and exuberant cheering spectators whose enthusiasm and energy, as my husband noted, “Lifted you up and carried you along, further than you could get on your own.” And there was the visible call for justice as evidenced by the signs that many runners were wearing on their shirts; most poignantly moving being how many men came out in support of abused, disenfranchised, and dis-empowered women.

Running along and taking all of this in got me to thinking about the parallels for living in a more just and supportive world. A world where we encouraged one another along. A world where we spoke out against injustice. A world where everyone was included in the race; where every shape, size, ability level, age, and color was welcome and got all mixed in together in a wildly colorful display of human beings moving together towards one goal. A world where, as my husband said, “It’s amazing how little time it takes for everyone to finish.”

This is why every year I come back. This is why every year it sneaks up on me and leaves me crying at the finish line. This is what I want. This is what I want.

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