Monthly Archives: March 2018

Resistance

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Nothing in Nature resists itself; what it is, what it needs, where it belongs, what it is experiencing. Nor does it resist what comes its way; responding instead, according to its own capacity, on an as needed basis; doing what needs to be done as things come up. In other words, all creatures in the natural world know what they are to their very core, what they are capable of, and not one of them expects the rest of Nature to do anything other than what it does. We, as humans, on the other hand, can spend days, weeks, years, a lifetime even, resisting what it is that we do not want to see. Or cannot be with. Or do not want to be happening around us. And it shows in both body and mind in all the ways that our minds tighten, and our bodies sicken.

Recently, I came smack up against a pattern of resistance in my own life, and it came voluntarily. We are building a room onto our existing home, and the lead carpenter was going to be working alone, though he really needed some help. Since it’s my husband’s company doing the work, and since I had the time, I volunteered to be the unskilled labor for the day; doing whatever grunt work on the ground needed doing. Only. What the carpenter needed me to do was not only not on the ground, it was up on the highest ladder he had, standing on the top step, the one you are not supposed to stand on (his words), all while reaching and stretching myself out beyond the safety and stability of the ladder, while using a power sander to get to beams located at cathedral ceiling height.

Right off, I knew I was in trouble. But I thought, “Well, maybe it won’t be so bad.” Only, it was. As bad as I remembered it being, and worse. Just to be clear, it wasn’t like my mind was thinking;“This is dangerous, I might fall.”  That, I could have worked with. No, this was different. My entire body was lit up with fear. More to the point, paralyzed; absolutely refusing to move. It felt as impossible and unreasonable to my body to be up on that ladder as putting an elephant in a tree and asking it to move around doing something. Not natural. Not reasonable. Not possible.

So, there I was clinging to the ladder, just being there with my frozen self. Through the intensity, I could feel that I was at a crossroads; one of those make or break moments in life when you can decide to do what you have always done, or do something different. What I “normally” would have done would have been to clench my teeth, bear down, and force myself through it. But on this day, something was encouraging me to move beyond old habits and stories of the mind. Something was urging me to stay exclusively with myself and what was happening in that moment. And what immediately arose was, “I can’t do this.” This simple, honest, true statement was enough in and of itself. As a matter of fact, it was more than enough. It was downright revolutionary for me, a woman who has rarely considered “I can’t do this” to be an option, to take that reality in so easily, and so directly.

At another time, it would have felt like life and death to me, and therefore not an option to opt out. At another time, I would have been stuck in the past where “I can’t do it,” would have been the equivalent of not only whatever it was not getting done, but that some threat or danger would have arisen over the lack of completion. At another time, I would have made it mean something about me that I was not able to muscle my way through this level of overwhelm. At another time, my first thoughts would have been not about me, but about potential responses from the carpenter, my husband, or other people in the company.

But on this day, as if by magic, the arising of “I can’t do this,” was so real and so true that nothing else, past or present, mattered. There was no explanation necessary. No apology required. No self-flagellation to go through. Nothing to resist. Nothing to feel badly about. No world coming to an end.

So, how did all of this happen? By not resisting the reality that stood before me. Through the pure, simple pleasure of being with what is, as it is. And because of it, a longstanding, old survival pattern around being the one who always has to do it, no matter what, gently slid off me as easily as rain sliding off the roof, as I crawled back down the ladder and uttered out loud, “I can’t do this.” And right behind that amazing utterance came the joyful recognition of all the people who can do this. And that it doesn’t have to be me.

This story is my plug for a regular practice. It does not matter what you do, so long as you find daily ways to catch up to the truth of what it is you are experiencing. A kind of truth that is beyond habits, beyond the past, and beyond what anyone thinks of you, or how you should be living. And while the moment I described was truly magical, a moment like this only happens through lots and lots of practice.

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Freedom

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I was away at a training last week studying a yogic text called The Bhagavad Gita. It is the “story” of a conversation between a student and a teacher, and it takes place in the middle of a battlefield where the student is stuck; unable to move forward in his duty as a warrior. Essentially, he cannot figure out how to act, or if he should act; leaving him with no clear cut way to see through the dilemma that stands before him. That being that both sides of the battlefield are arrayed with his kinsmen and his teachers, and duty would say he must choose where to fight. And yet, he cannot imagine how to act without causing harm; to himself, to others, or to the code he has established around how to be in the world.

Haven’t we all been there? That place where no matter what you might choose, seems to carry the burden of harm? In these times, who do you choose for? What do you choose? Does choosing for yourself mean you are choosing against another? Does choosing for another mean you are choosing against yourself? This is one of those seemingly unsolvable paradoxes that as human beings, we will all face at different points in our lives. And because it is so difficult to solve, we often try and boil it down to rights or wrongs, this side or that side, as a way of trying to manage something that feels too hard to be with.

But what if, as in the Bhagavad Gita, everyone on the battlefield represents an aspect of the main character? In our own lives, that main character, would be us. From this level of understanding, it can no longer be a case of me versus you. Instead it is really about all of the “me’s” within me. And while our dilemmas with others can feel so real, so external, and so about them, the truth is that when we really go for resolve in our lives, we will often find ourselves at the crossroads of a paradox; something that is seemingly contradictory or opposed to common sense, and yet, perhaps, true.

But don’t take my word for it. Instead, try this. The next time you are in a difficult moment with another person, or even something transpiring on the world stage, label what it is that feels difficult or unsolvable to you. Fear, violence, insanity, insensitivity, unconsciousness, greed, meanness, etc. Then, and the hardest part of all, find it within yourself. Do not be fooled that it has to show up in the egregious form you are encountering outside of yourself. See if anywhere, in any form, you can find something that smacks of you in the battle you find yourself engaged in with what is outside of you.

To do this requires a commitment on your part to step beyond blame, infantalization, and victim consciousness. And it requires a softening of the part of us that could never imagine, never mind admit to, something so horrible belonging to us. But if we could do it, can you imagine the possibilities in our lives and in the life of the world? Can you imagine how things would change for you if you could no longer blame an external source for what you had to… Or couldn’t…

Because if you could, you would find the only real freedom there is to be had on the battlefield of Life.

 

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Everything Else Can Wait

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The snow storm is just really getting under way by the time I make my way home. Somewhere between getting the groceries in, and sending out an email to cancel the evening yoga class, I feel a deep pull starting to build within; a nameless urge to be in the woods and in direct contact with the extraordinary beauty and power of the snow. I know I must respond. I know I will respond. But first, there are the overly rational and fear-driven parts of the mind that must be dealt with.

There are cold and frozen foods that need to be put away. Right now. They might go bad. Your husband is away, so if something happens to you while you are out in the woods, no one will find you for days. It’s getting dark. This is not a good idea. What if an animal gets you? On and on it goes. This part of me always has something to say. Always a fear, or a harsh reminder of my responsibilities, or a “what if,” that it throws out with increasing intensity to keep me in line. To keep me adding up to other’s ideas of me, the culture’s standards, and even my own worn out versions of who I am, and what I need to be.

But on this day I know better. And what I know is this. The rational mind with all of its demands, fears, and shoulds will never be enough to satisfy the longing I feel within. It will never take me to the magic, the mystery, and the freedom that my soul yearns for. Demands, in fact, and must have in order for me to experience the vitality and the connection of this one life to Something More. It is so easy for that hunger to get drowned out in everything that must be done, believed in, and attended to, according to the rational mind.

But on this day, the woods mesmerize me with their magnificence. All of Nature is outlined and lit up in glowing white against a darkening sky. Every edge defined in light. Tunnels made by heavy snow and bowing limbs create endless passageways for me to move through. Thresholds into another world. The air is brushed clean, and so is my mind. Every noise but the sound of snow and wind has been subdued into submission to something greater. Time takes on another quality, and a honed presence emerges. So deeply still is this place, that I am swept up into it; dropped into an effortless meditation that never wants to end.

Over and over, in this place, I am reminded of what I am. And though I know I will forget, every experience like this brings me a little closer to the Truth. I need this. I ache for this. Everything else can wait.

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Why The Abdication?

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In the wake of the most recent school shootings, there has been a strong and widespread response from our teens for #NEVERAGAIN. They are taking to the streets, and to their social media outlets demanding that what is happening be addressed. Now. Some postulate that with these teens coming into voting age in a few short years, this has the potential to shift politics; putting our politicians on notice that they had better get serious about making changes around gun laws. Or risk being voted out.

So much possibility here. And if this were to come to fruition, how amazing that finally we would see some real movement on an issue long overdue for change. And yet, one question aches to be addressed and answered. Why have we left this up to the children? Why has this generation been so systemically left on their own? Why have we, as the adults, not been the ones protecting them? Not being the ones to get this, and other things like it, done on their behalf?

There has been a strange and harmful reversal of the roles between parents and children afoot over the last generation. Instead of the adults claiming their position as the ones to be the grown-ups in the relationship, we opt to be their friends. Instead of us setting and enforcing, necessary ground rules around what they eat, when they go to bed, how many activities they can sign up for, and how much technology they can use, we ask them if it is OK, or what they think we should do around limit setting. Instead of us drawing lines in the world on their behalf to protect them, we look to them to change the world for us. And for them.

What has happened to us? Are we too busy? Too distracted? Too overwhelmed? Too brainwashed? Too addicted? Too afraid? Too disempowered? All of the above? In order for our children to be able to take a healthy stand in the world, they must first have the experience of someone standing up for them in a healthy way. Too often, as a culture, we are dazzled by all that our children can do and have taken on without recognizing that we have forced the bud; and with it all of the consequences associated with putting children into the role of the grown-up long before they are emotionally mature enough to handle that level of responsibility.

Could this be why so many of our young people are so disproportionately suffering from depression, anxiety, stress, sleep disorders, along with the overwhelming and bizarre fears they experience like no other generation has held in the way that they do? Let us never forget that when it comes to our children and the world they inhabit, it is always, and always will be, up to us.

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