Monthly Archives: January 2018

Escape

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Have you been noticing how easy it is to escape from our lives through the way we are using the technologies? Nowadays there is always a way to get out of where we don’t want to be, or what we don’t want to feel, or what we don’t want to experience.Think about it for a moment. Exactly what is it that we are trying so hard to get away from? Exactly what is it that is so awful that we cannot bear to be with?

Escapism is defined as the need to get out of, or away from, reality. It is essential to register that the very same reality we are trying so hard to get away from, is in fact, our very own lives.These lives that we are trying to get out of are, in fact, the very same ones that we ourselves have created, and continue to create; whether we know it or not. Whether we accept that as true or not.

If you buy this, then the most obvious question here becomes why do we create, day after day, lives we are so desperate to get out of? And while reflecting on ourselves in this way can be time-consuming and difficult to be with, without this knowledge, we live as if our lives are something we would just rather not be a part of. Lived long enough this becomes the hallmark of our existence, and the legacy we leave behind.

Without the recognition of the painful “realities” we have been creating through stress, busyness, and distraction we wind up using the technologies as a perpetual escape hatch as opposed to a tool to uplift our lives. Through our escapist uses of the screens, we create the life-depleting belief that we are getting away from something. That we are getting ourselves to a more desirable “reality.” Virtually. When looked at through the lens of escapism, all of this is true.

What is also true is that we are individually and collectively creating a world that is noticeably and distinctively uninhabited by people. Without occupying the world of our own making, we live removed from the truth. That being that when we live at a distance from seeing and feeling what is not working for us, there is no opportunity to self-correct. That being that our lack of personal accountability becomes a loss not only in our lives, but in the lives of others as well. And if there are enough of us vacating our lives, what will that do to the ones who choose to remain?

Some of us will go on to live all of our lives like this. Some of our children are having their lives built on becoming exquisitely skilled escape artists. If this is you, one way out is to begin an honest exploration of why it is that you feel so compelled to create a life built on such inhumane levels of busyness and overload, that you are left with one, and only one option; get out of your life any way you can.

P.S. If you want a big reality check, find Generation Zapped; a documentary on the negative impact the wireless technologies are having on our health, and the health of our children.

 

 

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Within

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Surrounded by so much information, so many images, so much noise, so much busyness, and so much cultural expectation of how we should be living, how are we to find ourselves living the lives that are only ours to live? In other words, how is it that we can come to orient ourselves more and more to what is within us as a way of navigating all of the nonsense, harm, and de-humanization that the world is offering up at ever-increasing rates, distracting us from the truth of who we really are?

The more that you can learn to look within as opposed to what others think you should do, the more you offer yourself a map for what it looks like, and more importantly, takes, to be the author of your own life. In turn, there is no greater gift that you can extend to another than to steadfastly choose on behalf of your own life. Sound selfish? Sound problematic? There is no doubt that there is much to be navigated here. There is no doubt that there are pitfalls and mistakes to be made. There is no doubt that you will have to create inner and outer litmus tests of integrity. There is no doubt that this will take a lot of work. And there is no doubt that there will be those who will not take kindly to you deciding for yourself how it is that you come to live.

If being your own person appeals to you, you must develop ways to bring opportunities for the discovery of who it is that you truly are, directly into your life. Regularly. Daily, even. One way to begin is to find some time when you can be with your own thoughts. Sit for several moments just breathing. Nothing else. Then, without thinking about it too much, or worrying about how another would respond, ask yourself some version of; “What do you want me to know?” Focus on your body as best as you can, while working to set aside unhelpful or critical thoughts.

Does something grab you in the belly or at the heart? Does your head hurt? Does something feel tight? Do images arise? Memories? What emotions present themselves to you? Keep feeling around inside. Use all of your senses and instincts. Notice that a part of you may want to get away from this. See if you can allow that to be a part of the exploration. Pay particular attention to emotions that arise that you typically avoid. They carry valuable information and guidance if you can learn to stay open and get curious about why they are showing up now. This takes practice to get skilled at navigating through all of this information and, you cannot do this wrong.

Allow this experience to transcend right and wrong, what others are doing, self-doubt, or what it is that the culture is selling today. These, and more, are all things you must learn to wrestle with in order to come to think for yourself. Learning to reference an inner knowing is no small feat and it requires your time, your commitment, your trust, and your courage.

Make a regular habit of sitting quietly, breathing, and noticing. The guidance and the information we receive in these moments is nothing short of miraculous in its capacity to cut straight through to the Truth; for if we are to have any hope of living well and living in integrity, both individually and collectively, the capacity to see what is true is an indispensable one indeed.

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Leaving

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I am preparing, as I have been since April of last year, to go on a vision fast in May; traveling further from home than I have ever gone before. I am intermittently terrified, expectant, and ready. As I get closer, I am being asked by others why it is that I do this. I can see that the questions, and even the skepticism, is serving as a kind of preparation; with the questions posed reminding me, and even schooling me, on why it is that I do this. Why it is that I put myself out there. Why it is that I invite discomfort and risk exposure of all kinds.

I do this because in the safe haven of an environment that is built to support growth and transformation, I am always brought to the very best in myself; despite, or maybe because of, any struggle, doubt, confusion, or fear I encounter. There is just no substitute for being surrounded by outer circumstances that support your deepest work, and therefore your fullest expression.

I do this because whenever I set and then live for a time with a strong and clear intention for my life, without exception, I get whatever it is that I am intending, in the most profound, magical, mystical, and beyond my control of ways.

I do this because in the structure of a retreat experience, I can better allow everything to be exactly as it is; including it all and weaving it in through my intention. Through this level of focus and inclusion, I am made whole through the experience, no matter how difficult it might be. As a matter of fact, quite often the intensity of my emotions and experience is exactly what it is that breaks through the old conditioning, and lands me in a place that is new and ripe with possibility.

For a very long time, I did not understand why I was so compelled to put myself through all of this. Now I know. I do this because this is how I want to live in the day to day; focused on what I most want, embedded in what is real, and guided by the Great Mystery. I do this because in order to reach certain understandings about myself and Life, I must put myself in novel situations; recognizing that the more unknown the better when it comes to breaking away from old thinking and habit patterns.

And ultimately, I leave so that I can return.

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Reflections

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Once, in the midst of struggling with how I was being seen and received by another, a practitioner said to me; “They are not a clear reflection for you.” Whew. That took an enormous load off to be given permission to not have to reference the wrong source. That truth allowed me to see that who I was, was separate from what another thought or reflected back to me. This has stuck with me ever since, and I find myself referring to it whenever I wind up in that struggle between me and another over who I am. And at times, more poignantly, who I am not.

In knowing ourselves, we tend to go back to the very first reflections we ever got regarding who others thought we were, or should be. In other words, our families, and other early teachers. To the extent that there was distortion in what was being reflected back to us, we will struggle with the truth of who we are because as children we usually do not recognize dysfunctional feedback as being off base And even if we do, we somehow agree to it one way or another. In order to stay in relationship. In order to stay safe. In order to stay valued. In order to keep from being kicked out. In order to be loved.

Worse yet, we tend to go through life winding up in the same reflecting pools, ensuring that we continue to see the same things about ourselves; even if they are not true. Even if it is harmful. Even if we have changed. This damaging and insidious feedback loop not only harms us, it robs the world of us.

I once received from a trusted teacher, the following practice. Put a mirror on your alter, or any other space that feels special to you. Gaze into your own reflection. What do you see? As a companion practice, you might also try saying some version of, “I see you for who you truly are,” every time you see your own reflection in a mirror.

A little terrifying at first, but absolutely necessary in the journey of creating a clear reflection.

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