Author Archives: Susan McNamara

Helping Or Hurting?

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I was recently facilitating a webinar on taking care of yourself in the digital age when a question came in around how much news you should be watching. Beyond any answer to this, the question itself reveals a lot about not just what we are up against with 24 hour news cycles, but also lots and lots of essential awarenesses to be had around what we feel we need to watch. Or perhaps, more to the point, endure, in order to be part of the world. In order to be informed. In order to know what is going on.

In order to belong.

The question asked speaks volumes about where we go to find our answers. In other words, how often we look outside of ourselves to tell us not only what we should know, but also how we should feel about what is going on. More to the point, whether or not we actually have a choice. But the truth is, to live well in the world we currently inhabit is to cultivate a sense of sovereignty over our own life when it comes to where, when, and how much information is in our best interest to take in.

This requires a deep sense of self-trust. One that gives you the permission, the fortitude and the strength to opt out of what is not working for you. Believe it or not, this can be simple. This can be something you determine without an expert or some culturally accepted metric. And it is nothing more, or less, than posing one simple question to yourself:

“Is this helping or hurting?”

Sound naive? Maybe. Sound like an out-of-touch-with-your-head-in-the sand approach? Perhaps. But what if deciding what you take in and what you do not graduates you to the position of someone who has taken full responsibility for how they feel. Someone who has recognized that to be on constant overwhelm is to harm both themselves and those around them. And that to decide your own mind, what it is that you will put into it and what it is that you will not, is to make you a trustworthy source in the world.

Think about it. We believe we need to watch the news to know what is going on. But in the process we often lose touch with, or override the reality of, what is going on within ourselves. And when we are lost and disconnected from ourselves, how can we possibly believe we are in any position to make wise and discerning use of what is coming at us from across a screen? As a matter of fact, from this place all we can do is to spread the contagion of overwhelm and fear.

Just how many times do you need to see images of places burning and out of control to know what is happening for others? Just how many times a day do you need to watch the maps and follow the numbers to be aware of what we are up against in terms of world health?

Watch yourself. Feel yourself. Trust yourself.

Are you more or less empathic after the umpteenth image or news report? Does what you watch leave you paralyzed in your own life? Are you left afraid to be alive?

These are your answers.

Puzzle this out for yourself. Do not look to anyone else. And when in doubt? Get truly single-celled amoeba intelligent as in move towards, move away. Move towards what is life-affirming. Move away from what is toxic or depleting. It is that simple.

P.S. And when the rational mind comes in to tell you why you must do something that feels harmful to you, I will leave you with what someone once said to me; “Two drowning people are not better than one.”

Save yourself and you are now in a real position to help others.

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Life-Giving Mutations

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I saw an article today reporting that the virus was mutating. The tone of the piece was that of abject terror. It was filled with statements built to push the panic button in the minds of those reading it. The solution offered? Out and out warfare. Measures that would annihilate the virus, and therefore, restore health. Along with peace of mind.

Sounds good. Just get rid of the offending organism, and all will be well.

Only…

What this piece failed to tell its readers is that viruses, like all forms of Life, constantly, continuously and naturally mutate in order to adapt to the current environment. This is to be expected. This is biological truth. This is a survival mechanism built into everything that is alive. Something that is constantly going on both around us, and within us.

But this is hard for us to be with. We want to be in charge. We want to be the ones controlling what Life does. We want to be the ones wiping out what we don’t like or are afraid of. This is “normal” and to be expected. But it is pure arrogance, ignorance and fear that drives this behavior. Producing in the end all manner of negative consequences we never thought to consider or saw coming.

But we do have our cautionary tales that if paid attention to could guide us as we step forward. We have already seen the virulent superbugs that have mutated into something we cannot treat due to our over-use of antibiotics and hand sterilizers. So deadly that 14,000 people a year die of impossible-to-treat infections that they picked up in the hospital.*

So when we are considering what we are up against now in the form of a virus, if we look at numbers, what we find is that those of us who have succumbed to the virus, or have struggled the hardest with it, have been deeply and alarmingly out of balance. Have been living with chronic, often lifestyle-related conditions that weaken us and leave us more susceptible to things like a virus; which then comes in and tips the scales of a system already dangerously out of balance and at odds with itself.

And because we are at odds with ourselves, we are therefore at odds with every form of Life that surrounds us. Given this, it would seem that the wisest, most visionary course of action would be one that would address the underlying root causes of these chronic, life-depleting and soul-sucking imbalances. An approach that would bring people back into balance, leaving them less susceptible to a virus because they were no longer serving as a drained and ravaged host.

But because our modern day epidemics of life-style related diseases, autoimmune problems and chronic conditions have become our new normal, have become so widespread and commonplace, we fail to recognize these deep states of imbalance as being not only the problems that they are, but also the root of future problems.

Consider this. What do you believe would be more difficult to do? Fight a virus? Or address the causes of the chronic conditions that cripple our world? For as difficult as it is to be living as we are now with all of the fears and the restrictions, it is nothing compared to the energy that it would take to go back to the drawing board and change the way we are living.

Changing a collective way of Life is a tall order. But as always, all you have to do, is do you.

Where is your life out of balance? Do not seek the answer to this through the intellect. Go to your body. Go to how it feels to be alive. Are you exhausted? Addicted to something? Unhappy? Unfulfilled at work? Unseen in a relationship? In pain? Do what you can to address this and you will not have to live in fear of your own body. You will not have to live as if a virus is a kind of diabolical serial killer from the microbial world out to get you.

Just like us, the virus is trying its best to stay alive. To simply live. Therefore, could we learn to be the best mutators of all? Willing to adapt ourselves back into balance with all that is around and within us; thereby rendering the impact a virus has on us, less impactful.

Intelligence is inherent in everything that is here. Wise ones have been telling us that since the dawn of time. Even medical science is finally catching up. But for all of us to catch up, we have to make a shift, an internal mutation if you will, where we let go of the falsehood that the human prefrontal cortex is the highest form of intelligence. This requires recognizing that there is Intelligence out there far more knowing than we currently behave. And that to learn to align with that, is to be truly wise.

We are part of something. Something we have been fearing, underestimating and demonizing, as opposed to living in harmony with. But maybe, just maybe, we can learn through a virus; letting it teach us all something about how to live in accord with others.

 

The Microbiome Solution: A Radical New Way To Heal Your Body From The Inside Out by Dr. Robynne Chutkan A great, accessible and practical read on learning about the world of microbes that we live with. Lots of fantastic recipes as well.

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Out of The Box

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I often work with imagery, visualizations, when trying to understand myself better, or when confronting an issue that confounds me. This practice has long helped me to get another perspective. One where solutions and healings that had been eluding me are suddenly, boldly, and easily, forthcoming and available.

I recently got an image that has been powerfully working on me. One that has universal applications around what it means to be alive; especially when we find ourselves stuck or “attacking” who we are or life’s demands in repetitive ways.

I saw myself as a bird. There were lots and lots of other birds around me. We were all trying to fly, but kept banging up against a glass box. I could not see my way out. I could not see behind me. I could only see the sides right in front of me. And they were all glass. They were all impenetrable. And though I had flown higher in the box than the other birds looking for a way out, I was as trapped as they were.

I got the message to stop doing what I was doing. That though I had developed lots of skills, I was still stuck in a paradigm of my own making that did not allow me to express the truth and the freedom of who I am. That my bashing up against the box was not only fruitless, insane and harmful, it was leaving me to believe all the wrong things about what is possible in my life.

Cultures since the beginning of time have used imagery to help and to heal. Even our Western world of medicine is now beginning to recognize the powerful impact visualizing has on everything from mental health to healing diseases like cancer. Best part? You don’t need any training. Humans know how to imagine. We do it all the time.

Only problem is we usually use this powerful and life-giving capacity to imagine what we don’t want. To conjure up fears. To have fake fights with others in our minds. To tell people off. To ruminate over worst case scenarios.

But what would it be like to begin to turn towards this innate capacity in a positive and life-affirming way? This right-sided expertise of the brain that helps us to see things in new and creative ways is not to be ignored when it comes to out-of-the-box thinking. Now I don’t know what is going on in your life, but it seems easy to make the case these days that out-of-the-box thinking is, well, our only way out of the box.

Try it. Lie in bed in the morning, drowse in a chair, sit outside watching the wind blow the trees, or any similar equivalent. Let yourself focus on something you need help with. It can be absolutely anything. Then let your mind drift while you ask for an image to help you. Stay loose. Stay soft. Open up.

Write down what you saw because in the writing often more will be revealed to you. Let the image turn over and over in your mind. But do it softly. More than think, feel what you have been gifted with. Let it inform you.

 

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Power

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I have been thinking a lot lately about power. Who has it. How it is accumulated. How it moves. What it looks and feels like. For to be in a position of power is to influence. It is to control. It is to have authority over. It is to determine. It is to be sovereign.

Given the life-giving or life-denying impact power has on us individually and collectively, it would be wise for us to explore its role in our lives. As in, who has it and who doesn’t. As in, how one gets it, and what it is that we are truly going for here.

To understand power more fully requires going to what lies behind it all. In other words, what’s the motivation for what’s being done? Or required. Seems like as good a place as any to determine for ourselves whether what is in power is in fact in one’s best interest, and the best interest of the common good, or not. For there is a vast and life-altering difference between power distorted and power authentically come by.

Here’s what I have come to so far:

Power distorted is concentrated, self-serving, and exclusive.

Power that is authentic shares itself, considers the whole, and is inclusive.

Distorted power separates, forces, and demands the status quo be upheld.

Authentic power brings us together, invites, and dares to walk in the unknown.

Power coming from distortion derives from without and imposes from the top down; demanding control and domination while insisting on obedience.

Power coming from an authentic source springs from within and grows from the bottom up; seeking consensus and partnership while claiming sovereignty.

Distorted and coercive power manipulates the lower survival centers of the brain through its messages of fear, while authentic power speaks to a kind of Truth within that reverberates through every single layer of us.

Look around at what is happening now. Feel it in your bones. Sense it in your guts. Look for it under your skin. Do you know the difference between a power that takes advantage of your fears, and one that seeks only your highest good and what it is that truly heals?

If not, get help. Help around how to tell the difference between real and imagined fears. For if you would like to contribute at this moment in time, this is one of the greatest contributions you will ever make. For when you can determine for yourself what it is that you will believe in, and what it is that you will not, you will find your way to authentic power, rendering distorted power, obsolete.

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Someone

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One of my favorite movies is the emotionally charged “Walk The Line.” It is the story of the country singer Johnny Cash. In an early scene, a young Cash is brought to the bedside of his dying brother. His main confidante, ally and friend in a family filled with the darkness of a father addicted and volatile, is leaving him.

As the adults stand around the bedside, doing nothing, resigned to the fate of his brother, Johnny begs “Do something.” His voice breaking and resounding with a mix of rawness, desperation and command.

It gets me every time. No matter how many times I have seen it the haunting and imploring echoes of his pleas reverberate in my bones filling me with a kind of desperation, despair and yes, a command that derives from someplace deep.

“Do Something.” And its corollary, “Isn’t someone going to do something?” This has been my inner begging, pleading, beseeching prayer my whole life. Sometimes it has taken the form of a child-like need unmet. At other times it has taken the form of the rebel fed up with the injustices of the world. And at other times, it has taken the form of the disappointed and frustrated adult who judges or blames.

Now it is taking a new form. Empowerment. A kind of knowing that when we look out at the world and cry out, “This is not right. Someone needs to do something,” we must come to the realization that the someone is none other than us. As in, I am that someone. It is up to me. I am the one to do something.

Now, this does not mean that we take it all on ourselves trading our power for martyrdom. Instead, it is a deep knowing that whatever I see when I look out there that needs tending to, that needs correcting, that needs starting or stopping, is not someone else’s to do. But instead, mine.

Look out into the world. What cries out within you “Do Something?” And instead of turning away, what would happen if you sought the counsel of that desperate and commanding plea?

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Secret Police

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Last week, as I was coming out of the Co-op, I saw something remarkable, telling, and quite possibly a serious harbinger of things to come if we are not careful. Something at once to be inspired by, and fearful of. Something that was encapsulated in one brief moment in time through the simplest of gestures. Human contact.

Two employees were passing one another; one coming into the store, the other going out. They did not see me watching them. As they passed one another, they connected hands with a soft, down-low high five in the most subtle of ways. An interaction that if you had not been paying attention to, you would have missed.

I watched them, mesmerized by the strength of the human spirit finding its way into flesh. Into expression. Into contact. This, despite the sterilizing restrictions mandating against such a thing. I smiled. But the employee coming into the store never saw that. Instead, when he saw me watching them, he startled back.

So much there in such a “small” instant. Do you see it? For to see this is to see what it is that is happening, along with what it is that we would never want to happen. Do you see that too?

For beyond all that we believe we need to do, or have been told we need to do, there must always be some things we would never want to lose. Or agree to. Or forget. Or become. Or do to one another.

Looking back, I wish I had done something to indicate how I felt about the hopefulness of that gesture. About the fact that I am clear I am no public shamer nor self-appointed secret police.

Given what we are up against here, all of the confusion, the fear, the uncertainty and more, could we at least agree to not turn against one another? Could we at least agree to never lose track of what it is that brings health and hope to a human being?

 

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The Virtuous

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I have been doing an online course that studies Celtic virtues as a way to navigate life. Especially useful during times of challenge. It has been a profound and meaningful experience in a boots-on-the-ground kind of way. We have worked with, and explored, the virtues of wisdom, generosity, humility and more; finding ways to incorporate these states of excellence into the way we live.

It all promises to support a lifelong journey of becoming ever more masterful of an inner balance that brings an outer balance.

In other words, the development of strengths from the inside out and a kind of honing that has nothing to do with looking virtuous. Instead, having everything to do with developing a an inner moral compass that is yours and yours alone. One that transcends the times, other people’s opinions, and even, ultimately, your own shortcomings.

In light of this, and in light of the times we are living in, I have questions. A lot of them. Here are a few:

When did it become virtuous to follow an outer authority without question?

When did it become virtuous to do things not because you believed in them but because you did not want to upset another?

When did it become virtuous to vilify others who believed differently than you?

When did it become virtuous to agree to choices driven by profit and corporate agenda?

When did it become virtuous to abdicate free will?

And when did it become virtuous to be afraid with others as a way to show you care?

I recognize that we are all up against something big, unknown and scary. And yet, isn’t that exactly the time to lean into virtues like wisdom, humility and generosity? I know this is hard. But all things virtuous and worth doing, worth living for, fighting for and dying for, are. That’s the point. The virtues are not when it is easy and anyone could do it. The virtues are for when you don’t know what to do. Or for when you might forget what to do.

Or, for when you might be pressured, shamed or guilted to do what you would never want to do.

When I was growing up, my father’s side of the family was very, very Catholic. There were nuns and priests in the family. It was a time when someone like my grandfather would go to mass every day. I went to. That’s what we did. Not every day, but on Sundays.

At some point it began to dawn on me that there were people in church often seen as the most pious, the most virtuous of all, who actually were nothing of the kind. “Good people” who were never shy to remind you of just that. How good they were. Along with how unassailable their goodness was, such that to speak against it was a blasphemous act of the highest order. Punishable by death. Or at least one of its equivalents.

We have to be very, very careful right now about what we choose to believe it is that makes us good and virtuous people. And when it is that we are using that “goodness” as a cover for something that should never, ever, be allowed to take hold between us or within us.

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The Simple Things

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Years ago, in a book I was reading by Anne Lamott, she told a story of a friend who had only two prayers: Help and Thank You. Over time, I have come back to this off and on again. I am back on.

I find that when our worlds, inner and/or outer, begin to spin with greater and greater intensity and complexity, uttering these two simple words reduces everything back down to something manageable. Real. And ultimately, profoundly healing in the most easeful of ways.

We have been led to believe that our solutions must be big, technological, hard won and often, even beyond us. We have come to believe within ourselves that we must do it all, figure it all out, worry our way into or out of something. So it takes enormous courage and a kind of bold letting go to opt for something which seems so unsophisticated and to the untrained eye, naive and childish even.

And yet, look around. Better yet, look within. How’s that working out for us?

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Ten To The Thirty One

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I have been on a bit of a whirlwind of learning over the past several months. Something in me is feeling very, very hungry for as broad and as deep of a perspective as I can open to and integrate into, in understanding the world, the circumstances we find ourselves in, along with my place in all of this.

For as things crumble and churn, if I can open to a wider understanding of Life itself, I am then offered a seemingly infinite number of opportunities to create anew. To get it “right.” Right being choosing for a life based on what it is that a human being needs to live and to live well; what it is to exist in the world in a life-affirming way. But I can only entertain new possibilities if I am willing to be open and curious to what is before me and who it is that I actually am. As I see it, this kind of willingness offers me a chance to see what we “affectionately” call the pandemic as a harbinger of good will, change and possibility.

What the Bleep?

Stay with me. For if we could see the virus as a messenger and catalyst of change and adaptation, we would not only line up with biological truth, we would come together with a Greater Reality helping us to understand that everything that is here is here for a reason. Here for us, actually. Not against us, as many of us would believe.

Because this can be so very different from how many of us think about this, and because we are in a time when the rallying cry is “the science says,” let’s go there. Let’s look at the science. Actually, let’s go even further by looking at a cutting-edge understanding around viruses and their essential place in our world.

According to Dr. Zach Bush, a triple-board certified (this is rare) physician and educator who speaks on the microbiome, he would say that we need the virus. He would say that the life-giving ecosystem of viruses, bacteria and fungi that inhabit everything in our world, including us, are essential for health.

Dr. Bush would say that there are ten to the thirty one viruses inhabiting our world. Can you even begin to imagine what that number is? That is a 10 with 31 zeroes after it. To give you a sense of the magnitude of what we are talking about, there are 10 million times more viruses than stars in the universe! This is perhaps somehow unimaginable to the human mind that we could be surrounded by, covered by, and inhabited by something that vast, and that invisible to us. Yet it is true nonetheless. More to the point, it is worth our time to catch up to understanding what is noteworthy and beneficial about viruses.

For instance, Dr. Bush would say that if the viruses really wanted us gone, we would be. That’s how many there are, and that’s how virulent some can be. Far more than we could ever combat. Which begs the question, if there are that many, and if they could wipe us out, why bother trying to fight a select few when the reality is that there are no “bad” microbes when we are in balance.Therefore, why not find a way to live in balance with all of them?

Biologically speaking, we are part of, inseparable from, a microbial stew. Always. And in all ways. From this viewpoint, it would be counterproductive to focus on eradication of, and far more prudent to focus on how we can be in harmony with. But that’s not been our way. Historically, we would rather wipe something out rather than learn how to co-exist with.

That needs to change.

Here’s something else to consider. According to the new science, viruses are here to help update our genetics. In other words, we need them to continue to adapt in a healthy way to our environment. Now, this might be brand new to you, so don’t take my word for it. Go check out a progressive source around viruses, the microbiome and how it all comes together in the health of an individual and a planet. For if what I have just passed on to you is in fact biological truth, we’ve got a lot of catching up to do in our attitude, beliefs and fear-based “reasoning” regarding our current approaches.

Looked at in this way, we are called to come to grips with the stories and the behaviors that we have embraced and that leave us living out of balance and apart from our true inheritance. All of the ways that our separating ideas are in error biologically and spiritually. All of the ways that we go after and attempt to eradicate the offending entity as opposed to finding the balance, has got to stop. And we have got to open our eyes on a very common sense level, that something is not working here, and has not for a very long time.

Will we be willing to recognize that and chart a new course? Will we be willing to wonder what is possible here if we open to everything that is available to us as opposed to only one source of information around what to do?

We have got a big, collective chance here my friends. What are you going to do about it? Will it be business as usual? Will things have to get completely desperate before you entertain another perspective?

Or are you ready for Something else?

 

 

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Just Like Me

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As I have been finding my way through the times we are living in, I have been enrolled in a Compassion Cultivation Training course. I got into it because in the midst of anticipating a challenging encounter several months ago, I “randomly” opened a book on compassion that had been sitting on my shelf for a while. And then, I “randomly” opened to a section on a practice recognizing our common humanity with others known as “Just Like Me.” As in, Just like me, this person I am struggling with seeks to be happy. Just like me, this person seeks to avoid suffering. Just like me, they…

I spoke this phrase in my mind regarding the ones I was battling with, and in an instant, everything went quiet. Immediately. And a deep, deep peace washed over me. Given how much apprehension, resistance and inner girding was in play for me, I cannot begin to tell you how surprising this all was.

And how very, very welcome.

I do not want to be at war with another. And yet, I find it one of the most challenging things I wrestle with. That being, how to live the truth of who I am and what it is that I want for the world while bumping up against others who have a different agenda. Whose version can seem to collide with what I most value. To be at odds with what makes sense to me. To smash into, and even deny, who I am and what I most yearn for with all my heart.

And I find it particularly challenging when fear is in play. For either myself or the other. For it is in those times that we, in our state of fear, begin to look for a source of danger. Begin to look outside of ourselves to identify where the threat is coming from. This is a great plan when the danger is real, but a catastrophically bad one when one our fears are imagined.

For to be in a place of imagined fear with another pits us against each other. Leaves us only able to believe that the one on the other side of us is wrong, evil, the problem. A danger. And because our fears are imagined while simultaneously seeming so very real, we cannot see our way clear of this because the fear locks us in; keeping the wrong thing alive. Fear, because of its connection to survival, even when imagined, will keep us fighting off imagined foes and all the while justifying our actions as necessary. In effect, fighting a made-up battle against a made-up foe.

I saw that in myself that day when I recognized how I was seeing others as different from me. Not like me at all. And in that place, I was able to make them the bad guys. The source of my suffering. The ones in the wrong. It left me recognizing that in keeping them separate from me, I was increasing and holding onto my own suffering. And I was ignoring that they were having their own experience. As legitimate as my own.

We have so much of this going on between us now. And I will tell you that as long as we keep the “other” side on the “wrong” side, we will all suffer. Greatly. 

To be clear, this is not about accepting bad behavior. It is not about forgoing your values, what you need or who you are. Instead, it is about recognizing that everyone, everywhere, at every time, and under every circumstance is somehow just like you. Even if the agenda is different. Even if their solutions and sensibilities are different. Even if their way of life, their politics, their beliefs, their “you name it” are different.

We are all just like one another in that we all want to be happy and avoid suffering. In that we all want to be loved and recognized. In that we all want to be safe and free from harm. In that we all want a world that makes sense to us. In that we all…

The book I mentioned is called A Fearless Heart: How The Courage To Be Compassionate Can Change Our Lives by Thupten Jinpa, and the program can be found at https://www.compassioninstitute.com

 

 

 

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