Tag Archives: self-discovery

Create An Uplifting Story

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Years ago, my yoga teacher was talking about our attempts to know and understand Reality with a capital “R.” He spoke of how because this is actually more than we can comprehend as human beings with our limited perspectives, we create stories. We create mythologies to know what is not knowable.

Stories are what we make up to explain who we are and why we are here. Stories explain back to us how the world works and how to make sense of things. Stories tell us what to do when we are lost and how to understand “good and evil.”

The problem is not necessarily the stories themselves, but the fact that we mistake the stories we create, for Reality itself. The problem being, that when we forget these are just stories to help us navigate by, we lose track of all that we do not know or comprehend; deluding ourselves into believing we know more than we actually do.

The very mindset, by the way, that stands at the heart of every wrong turn we have ever taken, or will ever take, as a species.

My yoga teacher pointed this all out by encouraging us to do two things: Create the most uplifting stories you can, while remembering that it’s “just” a story. This can be a tremendous paradox to hold. To both go for creating the most amazing and uplifting view of the world and your life and what it’s all about that you possibly can, while at the exact same time, holding that this story is but a mere drop in the ocean of Reality.

No matter how true, vast or inclusive you believe it to be. In other words, that what we can hold as human beings, even at its highest, will only be a tiny piece of the vast puzzle of The Great (and often unknowable) Mystery.

Admitting to this is a huge step and paves the way for understanding Life in a way that is tremendously liberating; despite how challenging it is. The challenge being, getting past our need to know it all, to be right or to try and control it all. The challenge being the way it might make us feel small and insignificant, afraid or like nothing we do matters. As in, “What’s the point if what I’m believing in isn’t actually accurate, true or the total picture?”

But it does matter. It does. Because every uplifting story line we create is a facet of the Total Reality; acting as one side of an eternally-sided diamond. And the more we can claim that understanding, the more we evolve with our story lines; ultimately taking us closer and closer to The Whole Truth.

To be clear, “uplifting” is not the same as illusion. It is not the same as denial or some Pollyannish take on Life. Uplifting does not distort. Instead, it holds what is possible. And every time you hold what is possible you are in the realm of Reality at its highest. This then becomes a map for even the darkest of times because when you run all your stories through what is possible, even the most painful or the hardest to digest, will now stand in service to Something Greater.

Everything that ails you, when seen through the lens of possibility, becomes a stepping stone to greater self-awareness, self-agency and self-care. Every conflict with another, becomes a bridge to creating a collective story of greater harmony. And every single experience of a world gone mad becomes the royal road to creating an inner world of sanity, peace and harmony, which then loops back out into the world.

Our stories matter. How we tell the stories of our lives and of the times we live in, matters. Because in the end, how you tell the story of now, has the power to create heaven or hell.

 

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Becoming Truly Sovereign

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Whenever themes start showing up in my life, I always pay attention. Lately, everything is converging around sovereignty; both mine and other people’s.

Sovereignty for me equates to rulership over oneself, one’s body, one’s own life. It is the god-given right to determine your own way, and is something that no one has a right to other than you. What I mean by this is, no one else has the right to tell you how to live, what to do with your body or what you should think.

In essence, true sovereignty is about owning oneself; where what is inside of you is far more powerful and trustworthy than what is outside of you.

It may be important here to point out that I am not prosposing some crass free for all where we get to act in disrespectful ways to ourselves or to others. As a matter of fact, the truly sovereign would never engage in such things for they are aware that life is sacred and that to take up the full responsibility for your own life is an act of incredible bravery.

As well as being the greatest gift you will ever offer another. Even if, and maybe even especially when, another doesn’t agree with you or understand what you are doing.

Why? Because when you are truly owning your actions, your thoughts and your behaviors, you become a trustworthy source for yourself and for all those around you. This as opposed to being someone who bends according to the prevailing winds. Who disrespects themselves because they are afraid of what others might think, say or do.

I find the exploration of sovereignty to be both extremely challenging, and at the very same time, perhaps one of the greatest contributions we can make in a world gone mad with telling each other how to live. Whether it be in the virtue signaling pressures and cancel culture of the social media world, the one-size-fits-all conventional medical mandates, or the surveillance culture that leaves us more comfortable with being spied on than on determining our own way, so much of “modern” day life is literally stripping our sovereignty away.

And for far too many of us, we are literally giving it away, without so much as a whimper.

But if you are moved by what I’m talking about here, recalling your own sovereignty can begin with one simple, but direct contemplation: Do I know why I do what I do? Do I know what drives me?

If you can to begin to become aware of who’s actually in charge of your life, you are now in a position to challenge whether or not you want to give that authority over to another person, thought form, system or set of circumstances.

 

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Yearnings

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All my life, my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name.

~Andre Breton

This beauty came across my desk recently. It felt as if I could have written it. When I thought about it more, it felt as if any one of us could have written it.

Below all of the to-do lists, the distractions, the hurts, the confusions and the unworthiness lives a place that yearns for Something More. Beyond all of the thoughts that would say, This is just how it is, and there is nothing I can do about it, dwells a knowing that anything is possible when the heart and its most sincere yearnings are involved.

Outside all of the fears that would say, It’s too dangerous, you’ll get hurt, that’s naive, people will make fun of you, this could never exist in the world, is an understanding that despite all the push back you might ever get from the world, this is actually what everyone truly longs for. A chance for the heart to give voice to its yearnings.

A chance to put the heart’s yearnings into form, to offer them as a gift to the world and to see them received by other hearts.

This takes a lot of courage. Especially in a world that has grown so jaded when it comes to matters of the heart. Not to mention all of the ways that each and every one of us has had our deepest yearnings denied, ridiculed, driven from us, and even harmed.

But the time is Now.

The true “fix” to what ails us resides in the heart and what it longs for. This is The Force in The Universe powerful enough to cut through the distortions, the derangements and the deals we have all made with the wrong things. Things that will never be enough because they do not honor what it is the heart is trying to name.

Personally, I yearn for relationships that are authentic and that bring out the best in all of us. I yearn to live in connection with All That Is. I yearn for the most loving energies to be in charge. I yearn to speak my truth and for it to be received. And I yearn for all of us to make way for the differences among us.

What does your heart yearn for? Can you be brave enough to name it?

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A Winter Wonderland

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It’s the first real snowfall of the year, and I’m out in the woods. There is nowhere else I’d rather be. Nowhere else that holds me like winter woods and fresh fallen snow. I can feel the silence, and it is deep. I can feel the stillness, and it is vast. And while I would love to get this all down on paper, my pen won’t work; despite how much I try to get it going. When I finally stop trying, sensing I’m not meant to put this into words just yet, that’s when I hear, “This cannot be captured or owned. But it can be known.”

As I walk on, I contemplate traditions like Ayurveda, where the understanding is that the wisdom teachings of this discipline and science are eternal. That a kind of primordial and powerful knowledge of “how things work” has always been here. And that that knowledge was “downloaded” into the hearts and minds of ancient seers and sages. To the Western mind, this seems absurd. Crazy even. And yet, even quantum physics would tell us that there is a field where all possibility (including knowledge) exits in potential form.

If this is so, wouldn’t it make sense that some of us could be so attuned as to be able to receive the infinite wisdom and knowledge that is available to us through that very same field?

What I’m talking about is different from information. Different from memorizing something. Different from being told something and believing it. What I’m talking about here is as different as reading about how to play the game of tennis, as opposed to being a master player. One is a bunch of thoughts and detached from experience. One is fully embodied and experienced on all levels. One is a surface approach. One is known at the cellular level.

There is a kind of deeper knowing that is available to all of us. This includes, but is far vaster then, what our intellect is capable of. But because of the strong hold that the intellect has on us, because of a culture that prizes the rational mind above all else, we have boxed ourselves out of the vastness of who we are. We have excluded ourselves from the possibilities available to us when we avail ourselves of Something More than what the rational mind thinks it knows. All that we are so sure of. All that seems so solid and true to us, is but a speck of dust as compared to what is available.

This is where Nature comes in. She can help us unlearn the limitations and blindspots of the rational, and often closed off mind that we have imposed upon ourselves. With a more open mind, there is no way you can be standing in the magic and mystery of a snow covered forest and not sense there is Something More. No way you can see everything around you and not know that you are but a speck in some vast Universe.

But it doesn’t end there.

When you can feel the speck that you are, you open to the Truth: Every speck is also the Universe itself, and therefore, has access to Everything that the Universe has to offer.

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The “Easy Steps” Trap

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I was listening to a podcast recently around Wholistic Health and Healing. An orientation which I find to be a real and true inclusion of, and alignment with, who we are and what we need in order to be well. A way of considering everything that needs to be considered in the service of greater wellness and well-being. An “all of us gets to be tended to” kind of mentality.

I’m all in.

But at one point, the author began to outline his steps for how to get there, and I was once again struck by the dilemma we all face. That being, how to engage with the particulars of what needs doing for health and healing, without reducing it down to a formula. A kind of one-size-fits-all approach that pervades so much of how we think about what it takes to care for ourselves.

As I listened, I felt a desperate part of me want to subscribe to the steps being offered. The ones I was being told would insure my health and well-being. A kind of guarantee and well laid out plan that if I just followed it, all would be well. But then right beside this grasping desperation, I felt a deep rumbling around something else.

Around what it is I know to be true.

I began to think back on some of the most influential moments of my life when it came to caring for myself. They never came neatly packaged. As a matter of fact, every single authentic and lasting shift I have ever experienced in regard to self-care, health and healing (or really anything else for that matter), always started by admitting how awful things were.

Always began with me feeling how deeply I was suffering, and how fed up with business as usual I was. Done with the way I was treating myself. A change that was always initiated by some part of me having gotten so sick and tired of what I was doing, that I was ready to open myself up to what I had been previously closed off to. Maybe it was a knowing I had been ignoring. Maybe it was a fear I couldn’t address. Maybe it was a worn out habit I hadn’t been able to put aside.

Whatever it was that I was ready to open to, it ultimately carried me out of being separate from myself and the choices I was making, and right into the Truth of whatever I was experiencing. This is what took me to the “answer” or to the “formula” I had been seeking. Only now, instead of it being a hollow version of what someone else said I needed to do, it came from the deepest of wisdoms. A place born out of the suffering being felt, recognized, honored, and ultimately, transmuted.

Answers not delivered by another in some neat little package, but ones that emerged out of the messiness of giving birth to the Truth of my experience.

But of course, this requires being with what hurts. What is uncomfortable. What is messy, embarassing, scary and more. All things we typically choose to avoid. But all things that also carry with them the catalytic power of going from illness to well-being. No matter the specific outcome.

Which is why instead of going down the road of the promise of the quick and easy formula, we would be well served instead to pause for just a moment to notice that part of ourselves that wants the neatly laid out package, while learning to be more committed to the messages the suffering is sending.

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Changing Yourself

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There has been logging going on across the road from us for weeks. The noise is loud. And it’s constant. Often, it serves as an annoying, nervous system jangling back drop for an entire day. So when one morning this week, I’m sitting outside in meditation and it hasn’t yet started, I feel so grateful. At the same time, I feel anxious, wondering when, at any moment, it will start back up and turn this perfectly beautiful quiet morning into what will feel like an unwanted intrusion.

It was right then, that I became aware of something I aspire to: To be in the world as it is. To be accepting of the reality of the moment; blaming no one and nothing for my personal discomfort. I’ve had enough experience with this to know that when I can accept things as they are, everything changes. From this place, I am no longer at war with either myself or the world. And possibilities I didn’t even know existed, open up to me.

When all of this dropped into my mind, a quote I haven’t thought of in a very long time came to me. It’s from Leo Tolstoy and it goes like this: “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”

Why is that?

Because of how hard it is. Because we haven’t been taught this perspective. Because it’s easier to blame someone or something else for your misery. Because that’s how we gather in ways large and small; from friendships to political affiliations. Because accusing someone else is the way that the war machine works. And because this mentality is so entrenched in us culturally, that we take it for truth.

It is the largest personal leap you will ever take to go from believing that the world determines your peace of mind, to knowing that you and you alone carry that sacred responsibility. It is utterly and completely an inside job to make the commitment that no matter what is happening all around you, you will learn to do two things: Say “Yes” to what is happening. Claim radical responsibility for your response.

This doesn’t mean you like or agree with what is happening. Nor does it mean you don’t get to have your reactions. Instead, it means admitting that something is here and then becoming aware of how you feel about it without projecting your feelings onto anyone or anything.

Not easy to do, but oh so worth it when you begin to understand that the way out of everything we are experiencing collectively is to work through all the ways you won’t see honestly what is happening. To work out owning all of your blind posts, triggers, expectations and projections.

And it all begins by saying “yes” to what is happening and then wondering why you feel the way you do about it. This is the royal road to changing yourself, and by extension, the world.

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True Self-Care

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Last weekend I co-facilitated a restorative retreat at my farm where the focus was on self-care. While I had prepared a lot around what would be the obvious candidates for caring for ourselves, as the afternoon went on, it was amazing to hear how much nuance showed up around what self-care truly is.

We live in interesting and often confusing times. On the one hand, we are encouraged by a multi-billion dollar wellness industry to take better care of ourselves. To buy more things, get more services, do more around our self-care. On the other hand, we have a machine-driven culture that not only does not make time for what we actually need, it doesn’t even recognize it. We see this demonstrated in the unremitting schedules we are attempting to keep and in the rewards bestowed upon those who seem to be able to work without pausing or attending to their needs.

Both are terribly out of whack. False. Misleading. Destructive. And ultimately, very, very harmful to actually caring for ourselves in a way that is real and true.

Self-care is not something to be bought, acquired or negotiated over. Instead, it is built right into you. As a mammal, it is part of your survival response and is your relational glue. It serves as the foundation for your self-worth and is the gas that runs your life. And it is the homage you pay to the Creator for the gift of Life.

It shows up in your natural capacity to set a boundary and to use the word “No.” It is present in your ability to know when you are hungry, tired and need to move, and then to go on to actually satisfy what is being called for. As a matter of fact, self-care, the capacity to know how to take care of ourselves, is inborn and natural. Otherwise, how as a species would we be able to exist?

The trouble is, of course, we have allowed ourselves to be pulled away from what is natural and so when it comes to what we need. We have allowed ourselves to be bought, misled and medicated. I realize this sounds harsh, but without owning up to the part we play in the care that we need, we will never get out of the mess we find ourselves in; the one characterized by more illness, dis-ease, unrest and dissatisfaction than likely our species has ever experienced.

Self-care is not complicated. But it does require some things. Like paying better attention to yourself and to the messages you’re getting around when and where your life is out of balance. It requires being in your body and developing a respectful relationship to it (no matter what your mind or the culture demands). It means turning away from the habits and screen messaging that confuses your capacity to start inside your own self to determine what you need.

Your self-care is a reflection of how you feel about yourself and what it means to be alive. What would it be like to begin today to care for yourself as if you actually mattered? As if you actually knew what to do? No gadgets, apps, programs, books, advice required.

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Authenticity

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Where I live, we have all kinds of wild animals; bears, bobcats, porcupines, hawks, foxes, deer and more. When my kids were older, and I would stop the car to get a better look at an animal before it went into the woods, they would always joke about what a big deal I was making of it all. I didn’t care. There was just something so special about getting to see wild creatures in their own home.

It always feels like such an honor and such a blessing to catch even a glimpse of them.

I think one of the reasons I’m so called to these moments is because of the unwavering authenticity of the animals. It feels like something I can trust. Something I can learn from. Something that reminds me of who I am. And what I can be.

An animal in the wild is never anything less than fully who and what it is. No matter what I might want. No matter what the world might be doing. The hawk will always want to pick off one of my chickens. The porcupine will always want to decimate my fruit trees. And though I may want the majestic ones like the moose, bears and the bobcats to pause a little longer so I can just be with them, they do not answer to me. Ever.

They do not adjust themselves to me. They are always, single-mindedly going to be and do whatever they are and whatever they need to do. Therein lies the secret of their integrity, as well as sacred instructions for how to live.

For to fully and authentically inhabit ourselves each and every moment creates a life based in integrity and makes us a trustworthy source for both ourselves and others. On the other hand, when we shift and negotiate ourselves based on our fears, insecurities, conditioning, wounds, what others expect of us, the demands of the modern world, we are not trustworthy. Nor are we happy, fulfilled or fully expressed.

That’s why it’s such a big deal to choose to find your way into your authentic self.

Unfortunately, we have been schooled to not be ourselves. To not feel what we are feeling. To not know what we are knowing. And because this false sense of who we are has become so familiar to us, so deeply embedded in how we think about ourselves and interact with others, it can feel impossible to get away from what has been created in this regard.

Too dangerous to challenge or look at all the ways we are not ourselves.

Then there are all the “rewards” for not being authentic. For not saying what is really on our mind because of how others get to feel more comfortable with what they are doing. There are no awkward moments when we leave something unchallenged. No need to work something out. No strength to be acquired to go against the grain of what the culture demands. No need to develop courage to say “No” to all the life-depleting choices we are being offered.

There are so many ways we are “rewarded” for not rocking the boat, for agreeing with the status quo, for going along to get along.

But the real and arduous road to authenticity means rooting out all the ways you are not your authentic self. And because we are so accustomed to not being fully ourselves, we have lots of opportunities to practice each and every day. It’s in the smile or the laugh you give when you feel otherwise. It’s in your silence when you disagree. It’s in your decision to do something, not because it feels right to you, but because everyone else is doing it.

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Living For Today

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Last weekend I ran in a road race with a notoriously steep mile long climb. As I passed one of the volunteers, as a way to assuage the intense experience I was about to partake in, she said to me quite enthusiastically, “It’s not yesterday!” To which I responded as enthusiastically, “No it’s not!”

She was referring to the fact that the day before the weather had been intense. Huge downpours. High winds. Lightening. But as soon as the exchange was over, I realized what was spoken between us was so much more; serving as a profound reminder to get out of living and dwelling in the past as quickly and as often as I can.

To let yesterday be yesterday as I opened to, and lived fully in, today.

It was easy to see this during the race. Easy to recognize I could dwell on the poor night’s sleep I had experienced, or I could be on the road running and recognizing that I was doing quite well actually. I could focus on a couple of people displaying some poor social behavior at the start of the race, or I could be with what was actually occurring in any given moment. Opting to let go of what had already come and gone, and instead choosing to be with what was right now. And what was right now was filled with some truly wonderful, supportive and energetic people.

If you have ever learned to watch your mind and what it is thinking about, you know how often your mind dwells in the past. How often you live today colored by what was said and done “yesterday.” What that person did or didn’t do for you. How you were overlooked or embarrassed. How your heart was broken. How you were called something that hurt. How something was taken from you.

While we could all argue that something harmful or unfair did indeed happen “yesterday,” it is us who is keeping it alive in the “today.” It is us who keeps going over and over it. It is us who has allowed it to limit us now. It is us who can’t stop thinking about it or living by it.

If this makes sense to you, and you want the freedom and the possibility that exists in a “today” less colored by “yesterday,” get in the habit of checking in with yourself throughout the day by asking “Where am I right now?” Use this question to gauge whether you are in “today” or “yesterday.”

And whenever you catch yourself in “yesterday,” say to yourself “It’s not that time anymore.” 

It takes practice to get out of the habit of dwelling in the past. It takes courage to let go of the identity you have created based on that past. But if you stick with it, you will be rewarded with greater ease, clarity and a much more sane and realistic view of yourself and the world. One that is not rooted in “yesterday,” but in “today” with all of its limitless possibilities.

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Becoming More Intentional

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For more than twenty-five years, on every retreat I have ever been on, or any training I have ever participated in, I have always created an intention for my time away.

It was no different when I recently did a walking pilgrimage in Scotland. In fact, I had several intentions I was working with while I was away. One for my body. One for my time on the land. One for my traveling companion. And one for the expression of my life’s work.

Each day as we set out on the trail, I would say my intentions, and each night as I was falling asleep, I would repeat them again. And whenever I would hit a difficult patch on the trail, whether mentally or physically, I would repeat my intentions over and over again as a way to keep my mind focused on what I wanted.

Doing this helped me from falling into old patterns I no longer want to engage in, and as a way to bring me back to the present moment. This daily practice left me with a deep sense of clarity and peace, that served as an anchor and as an abiding focus; even when things got challenging.

Every day we have countless choices around how to think about, and be with, what is happening to us. Unfortunately, it’s too easy these days to miss out on that knowing because of the endless stream of distractions and all the ways we have to numb ourselves out. But ultimately, and unfortunately, this allows us to sidestep the necessity for taking responsibility for how we are living. In the process, we miss out on the enormous sovereignty and empowerment gained that comes with knowing we, and only we, get to choose how to live.

The sidestepping we do creates a weak mind. One that lacks the capacity to focus on what we want and who we most want to be. The result? The world we’re living in where so many of us think and behave in ways that are both personally and collectively destructive.

The way forward becomes then our determination to get clear on what it is we want. What it is that matters most to us. And then to choose for that over and over and over again; refusing to allow ourselves to be lulled into a Life we do not like or want.

It takes guts. And perseverance. But firstly it takes spending time with yourself to get clear on where you want to direct your energies. Once you have even a glimmer of that, create a statement. Keep it positive, present tense and direct. For example, My body is healthy, happy, strong and growing in endurance (one of mine from the trip).

Then, every time your mind wanders into anything but that, affirm your direction by stating your intention to yourself over and over again while you watch, and address, every naysaying, negative thought to the contrary.

Yes, it takes time. And lots of hard won determination. But truly, why not? Why be satisfied with a life of negativity, distraction and self-medication? Why not go for what you actually want?

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